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Twilight

A topic in 4 comics.

Legal divorce

Apr 16, 2010

KEVIN: Anthony? Where's SHUKRI? ANTHONY: I just heard from her agent. She's legally divorcing you as a parent. Also, she's screwing Robert Pattinson.
KEVIN: Whoa. So my adopted African daughter/lover left me for the guy from Twilight. ANTHONY: It's a tale as old as time.
KEVIN: Hey, did you ever find out for me how her parents died? ANTHONY: Yes. They were beheaded during a military coup she initiated.
KEVIN: (sigh) I'm gonna miss her. ANTHONY: She's quite a woman.

Planning Ayok’s signing

Feb 12, 2010

JOEL: Your client is getting a recording contract with us. I guess we're supposed to have the press take photos of the signing tonight.
AYOK: Pmgs sffj. JOEL: Should we do it onstage? Right when he finishes his set? TONY KING: He's not doing a set. He can't sing or play music.
JOEL: Well. That'll make recording interesting. TONY KING: Pput a sticker on the CD that says "Some Guy from Twilight". We'll be OK.
AYOK: Akmdf! AOKOKGIIFNFNSR!!! JOEL: He... seems to be having some sort of SEIZURE. TONY KING: He's fine. He just needs another vodka and Ambien.

Meeting Twilight guy

Feb 8, 2010

JOEL: Hi, are you "Ayok"? I'm from Hancock Records. I'm here to sign you. AYOK: Grnlk brzlm. TONY KING: I'm Ayok's agent. He says "cool."
JOEL: I'm sorry... Is he speaking... ENGLISH? AYOK: Ssfsdsd kRYyN... TONY KING: Ayok speaks his own brand of edgy young English. You'll get used to it.
JOEL: Is he... is he OK? AYOK: Shkbrs wprprd. TONY KING: Look, the kid's in TWILIGHT. He's a fucking shirtless GOLDMINE. Don't rock the boat, OK?
HANDJOB GIRL: Excuse me... can- can I please give him another handjob? AYOK: Aoosdk sdwr. TONY KING: Make it quick.

Know where he is?

Feb 1, 2010

JOEL: I'm an A&R rep with Hancock. I'm here for a publicity thing with one of the shirtless Twilight kids. His name is... It's "Ayok" I think.
JOEL: Do you know where he is? CLUB MANAGER: Wwe get the Twilight guys in here a lot. They're easy to spot.
CLUB MANAGER: Any guy you see who's constantly getting a handjob, he's in Twilight. JOEL: Oh my. So... one of those three over there then.
JOEL: What about the kid getting the blowjob? CLUB MANAGER: He's peripherally related to the Jonas Brothers.

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