Comics and posts about touring | Bassist Wanted

Ted’s hate song

TED: Dad. You ruined my life. Here. It's a song I wrote about how much I hate you.
KEVIN: Didn't know you wrote music, Ted.

KEVIN: This is pretty good... Hey... How'd you like to OPEN for me sometime?
TED: REALLY?

TED: You're asking the son of the world's most popular musician to go on tour as his father's opening act?
SOUND: cha ching cha ching cha ching

TED: What was THAT?
KEVIN: Oh, that's just my agent. Hey Anth.
TONY: Hey guys...

Lowering ticket prices

GORDON CRANWICK: Lower ticket prices DEVALUE us! I don't care what TAYLOR SWIFT is doing!
PETER WELD: It'll sell more tickets AND make us look charitable.

KEVIN EDO: Seems like a win/win, Gordon.
GORDON CRANWICK: It's a slippery SLOPE, Kevin!
PETER WELD: Now... point #2, our CD prices...

GORDON CRANWICK: Oh, NO WAY, Peter! I will not be BANISHED to the GHETTO of the BARGAIN BIN!!
PETER WELD: Look, it's another win/win...

GORDON CRANWICK: I will DIE I am BOUGHT and SOLD at the "NICE PRICE"!
PETER WELD: We'll make more money AND still be respected! Ask Incubus!

Jumpstart Malady leaves Chicago

AGENT: OK, first show went well... sold-out house, and gordon only quit ONCE, heh, right, guys?

AGENT: Oh, we're all set up in Cleveland. We're at the Four Seasons. And I confirmed Letterman in April... Guys? Why are we not talking?

AGENT: Jesus, is this still about this morning? There was nothing I could do!
PETER WELD: Bull... SHIT.

AGENT: They stop serving breakfast at 10:30! It's just the rule!
PETER WELD: You find me a McGriddle, Anth, or I fund us a new manager!
GORDON CRANWICK: I... I quit.
KEVIN EDO: Shut up, Gordon.

Post-show with Kevin Edo

KULA: Great show tonight, Kevin. Now this tour is for a live album, right?
KEVIN EDO: Yeah. But we're not playing or singing live during the shows.

KEVIN EDO: So the album'll be live recordings of pre-recorded songs, with a little crowd noise in the background.

KEVIN EDO: We charge people for CDs, we charge them to hear the same recordings at our shows, and now we'll charge them to hear their own damn clapping.

KEVIN EDO: It's either interesting conceptual art... or a really dick thing to do. Either way, it'll be out in September. Listerine strip?
KULA: No... no thanks.

Jumpstart Malady meets Giant Drag

MICAH CALABRESE: Are you guys almost done? We need to set up.
KEVIN EDO: Yeah, sure. All yours. You're "Giant Drug"?
ANNIE HARDY: Giant DRAG.
PETER WELD: Hi, I'm Peter.

MICAH CALABRESE: I'm Micah. That's Annie.
KEVIN EDO: Just two of you, huh?
ANNIE HARDY: Yeah, I play guitar. He plays keyboard and drums.
PETER WELD: At the same time?

MICAH CALABRESE: Yeah.
KEVIN EDO: So... what's the story? You guys fucking?
ANNIE HARDY: Well, I FUCKING think your music eats dick.

KEVIN EDO: Ooo, like the foul mouth. Here's my hotel key....
ANNIE HARDY: Lick a hole and die.
MICAH CALABRESE: There's hummus all over these cymbals.
PETER WELD: Wait... at the SAME TIME?

Coaxing Gordon to play

AGENT: Gordon, come out of there, buddy. The show starts in a half hour.
GORDON CRANWICK: NO way, man. Not unless we play some of my songs.

AGENT: No, look, Kevin's got some of yours in here...
GORDON CRANWICK: KEVIN put ONE of my songs, BURIED in the middle of the set, and KEVIN can go FUCK himself.

AGENT: Gordon, (sigh)... I dunno, look, what if I arrange for the camera guy to... CONCENTRATE on you a little more than usual?

GORDON CRANWICK: How "concentrated" are we talking?
AGENT: 65% of head shots, Gordon, 100% of two shots, now put some pants on....

Soundcheck in Chicago

AGENT: You have 20 minutes for soundcheck. Where's Gordon?
KEVIN EDO: Gordon's not coming.
PETER WELD: Where will the water be? And snacks?

AGENT: Water behind the bass amp. Hummus and pitas by the scaffolding. What? Where is he, Kevin?
KEVIN EDO: Dunno. Don't care. Don't need him.
PETER WELD: Oooo, hummus....

AGENT: I'll find Gordon, you guys see how things sound.
KEVIN EDO: HELLO, HELLO. GO FUCK YOURSELF, CHICAGO.
PETER WELD: Hey, nice screen, we got the JVC.

KEVIN EDO: HEH, I'M JUST KIDDING, CHICAGO. PETER, YOU... GOT HUMMUS ON YOUR EAR.
PETER WELD: Whoop, so I do. Good eye....

Figuring out the setlist

KEVIN EDO: OK, we're pulling into Chicago. Let's talk setlist.
PETER WELD: Whatever you guys decide is fine.
GORDON CRANWICK: I want at least 3 of my songs in the show.

KEVIN EDO: Well... now we do need to play our hits.
PETER WELD: Someone just post the list on my high-hat.
GORDON CRANWICK: Is that some sort of indirect jab at my songs?

KEVIN EDO: I didn't mean to be indirect, Gordon.
PETER WELD: And grab me for the encore. I'll be here in the bus.
GORDON CRANWICK: Fuck you, Kevin! I'm not playing tonight!

KEVIN EDO: None of us are playing. They're dubbing in the music.
GORDON CRANWICK: Well, then I'm not FAKE playing!
PETER WELD: Shit. OK, I need somebody's Warcraft login.

The redesigned tour bus

KEVIN EDO: Wow, you totally redesigned the tour bus, Peter.
PETER WELD: Yeah, dude, and I am HELLA psyched for this tour now.

PETER WELD: Check it out: PS2, GameCube, XBox 360. And I set up a full HD theater in the back.
KEVIN EDO: That's cool, man. And this little screen here?

PETER WELD: A GPS system. This dot represents the location of the RFID chip I secretly implanted in my wife.
KEVIN EDO: That's... creepy, man.

KEVIN EDO: Do... you have any more chips?
PETER WELD: Whoa... she's breached the 25-mile perimeter! Code red, Joe! Drive, drive!

Picking an opening band

AGENT: Here's who's available for an opening band: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Giant Drag, the Futureheads and the Subways.
KEVIN EDO: They're good, right? And all rock?

KEVIN EDO: I won't have our fans sit through 45 minutes of noise.
AGENT: They're all good. All rock. Just need you to pick one. Here's their albums, you can listen and--

KEVIN EDO: Any of 'em have hot chicks?

AGENT: Well... I guess Giant Drag has--
KEVIN EDO: OK, them then, "Giant Drug." Hey, is the guitar-shaped Sealy on the tour bus yet?