Comics and posts about TOP FIVE | Page 2 | Bassist Wanted

Sixth sense for pop

JOEL: His sense of pop music is unCANNY. When asked to list songs he liked, he recited Clear Channel's ENTIRE Adult Album Alternative playlist.

JOEL: We ask him his favorite song every five minutes, and he's somehow able to always list the current top single on iTunes at that EXACT moment.

TESTER: What about now?
GREG: "Fireflies" by Owl City... no, wait, NO... actually it's "Replay" by Iyaz.

BART: FAScinating...
GREG: Wait, NOW it's the Glee cast version of "Alone". NO... "Take a Bow"! NO!! "ALONE"!!!

What makes you like a song?

TESTER: Before we begin the product testing, let me ask: what makes you like a song?
GREG: Like, you know, if it was on Gossip Girl.

TESTER: OK, well... let's say you hear a really good song that hasn't been on Gossip Girl, and-
GREG: But... if it's really good, it WOULD be on Gossip Girl.

TESTER: OK, but this one isn't.
GREG: But... why?

TESTER: Wait, was Gossip Girl canceled?! Is there somewhere I can check Twitter here?!
GREG: OK, let's... let's move on...

Getting focus groupers

JOEL: I've never run a focus group, sir. How do we get participants?
BART: The American way, Joel. With market forces.

BART: We bribe them. Vouchers, gift certificates, free food...
JOEL: Doesn't that result in overly positive opinions?

BART: Exactly!
GREG: Hi, I heard something about a Frostie coupon?

BART: Yes sir! Just sign this release form without reading it.
GREG: No PROBLEM. Oooo, free pens!!

Extraneous noise

KURT: Ve find dat much of a song is extraneous... NOISE, ja? So ve say, "Vhy not shtrip de song of all but de ESSENTIAL bits und pieces?"

KURT: So ve shtrip it down to VON note.
JOEL: ONE note?
BART: ONE note.

KURT: Ja...

KURT: Usually, it's a "C".
JOEL: Dear GOD.
BART: He's gonna save us BILLIONS.

Auto-Tune everything

KURT: People LOF Auto-Tune, ja? Dey Auto-Tune T-PAIN... dey Auto-Tune de NEWS... dey Auto-Tune EFERYTINK...

KURT: So I began Auto-Tuning AUTO-TUNE. Den I Auto-Tune Auto-Tuned AUTO-TUNES. I vant to make songs SIMPLER, more PURE, more PERFECT.

JOEL: You want to make songs LIFELESS and COLD and- and UNFEELING!
KURT: JA! EXACTLY!

KURT: VOW, OK... so glad ve see eye-to-EYE on dis...
JOEL: A piece of my soul just died, sir.
BART: Yeah. That'll happen.

Kurt’s office

KURT: Velcome to simplified office. Metal bar to sit, glass computer suspendink in air. Nothing else needed. Guests sit on bar with me, here.
JOEL: OK.

KURT: This is awkward. Guest policy not well thought-out.
JOEL: Yes, maybe not.

A pause.

KURT: I don't get many guests.
JOEL: Oh no?

Less is more

BART: Meet Kurt von Einfache, one of our engineering geniuses. He's big into MINIMALISM.
JOEL: Like... "less is more"?

KURT: Ja. "LESS."
BART: See? He's a MASTER. He said what you said. But in fewer words.

JOEL: That why you wear the one-piece jumpsuit? Fewer pieces of clothing?

KURT: Oh, no no, dis just a great look...
BART: It IS very form-fitting...

Coding your Guitar Hero

BOBBY KOTICK: Kevin, this is Yevgeny. He'll be coding your Guitar Hero.
KEVIN: You enjoy music, dude?
YEVGENY: I enjoy traditional Bashkir music ONLY.

BOBBY KOTICK: Yevgeny, the band's name is "Jumpstart Malady".
YEVGENY: OK... I run search for "Yellowcard"... replace with "Jumpstart Malady"...

YEVGENY: Coding of game is done.
BOBBY KOTICK: Great! I'm glad we fit that in before lunch...

KEVIN: Who's your favorite KURAI player, man?
YEVGENY: My allegiance belongs to Diyarov.
BOBBY KOTICK: Don't talk to the developers, Kevin. It CHEAPENS you.

Pompous little indie douchebag

TONY: Sorry about that. I thought once we got you in the room with that Rock Band guy, we'd be good...
KEVIN: Ugh, "Alex Rigopulos!" What a pompous little indie DOUCHEBAG.

TONY: Look, it doesn't matter. We'll just pitch to Guitar Hero now, OK?
KEVIN: Yeah, let's talk to the ORIGINAL music game! Not some cheap COPY!

TONY: Well... Alex and his company actually invented Guitar Hero, too.

KEVIN: Bah... I hate it when douchebags are successful.
TONY: As do I.

Meeting Alex Rigopulos

TONY: OK, Kevin Edo, this is ALEX RIGOPULOS, CEO of Harmonix. They make ROCK BAND.
KEVIN: Hi Alex, I wanna get our music in your game, man.

ALEX RIGOPULOS: Um... Yeah, sorry. Your sound just isn't what our game is about.
KEVIN: ExCUSE me?! Do you know who I AM?!

ALEX RIGOPULOS: Yeah. I DO. You're like a more boring CHRIS MARTIN. And our game skews indie. So SCREW you.
KEVIN: Wh- Screw YOU!!

ALEX RIGOPULOS: And Anthony, you TOLD me this was a meeting with the guy from GRIZZLY BEAR!
KEVIN: GAH! What is it with everyone and GRIZZLY BEAR!!