Comics and posts about recording | Bassist Wanted

Lost the master

JAMES: The douchebag at Kinko's lost our master, Joel! Can you help us record it again?

JOEL: Well, my boss caught on to what we were doing, so... NO. I can't even UNOFFICIALLY represent you anymore.
JAMES: So... THAT'S IT?

JAMES: So we did ALL that work, NOTHING came of it, and now you're ABANDONING us?
JOEL: Well, YES.

JOEL: So you really did get a taste of what it's like to be signed to a label.

This isn’t a CD

JAMES: This isn't a CD. It's a bunch of construction paper and GLITTER.
JOHN: Uh, NO, it's a SCRAPBOOK and it's work of ART.

JAMES: We didn't order a SCRAPBOOK. We paid you to reproduce our CD.
JOHN: Oh, no, I destroyed your CD.

JAMES: That was our MASTER!
JOHN: It was GARBAGE. THIS captures the essence of your band.

JAMES: THIS is our album cover surrounded by pictures of a baby in a LOBSTER costume!
JOHN: It's... SO much more... Did you even READ the puffy paint?

DIY it

JOEL: OK! You've got your recordings! I say you DIY it, put out the EP yourself.
JAMES: Can't we get the label to help do it?

JOEL: No, I didn't officially sign you. I can't offer the support of the label.
JAMES: If you WERE officially representing us, what support would the label offer?

JOEL: Oh, we'd second-guess every creative decision you'd make. Then we'd probably sow discontent amongst the band, pit you against one another.

JAMES: We can DIY that part, too, I guess.
JOEL: We also promise promotion and then don't deliver, which is a nice feature...

Max the backing track

JOEL: For this track, let's turn the Twilight kid totally down and max out the backing vocals.
ROCCO: I already was, man.

ROCCO: I get what you're doing, man, secretly recording the songs of this backing band. It's cool of you to give these kids a shot.
JOEL: Oh, uh, thanks...

JOEL: So wait, if Ayok's turned down, how am I still hearing him? Isn't this room soundproof?
ROCCO: It IS soundproof.

ROCCO: It is NOT shit proof...
JOEL: Goddammit, he's humping the amps again... Ayok! NO! Down! DOWN!!

We’re gonna get you recorded

JOEL: OK, we're gonna get you guys recorded. I hired you as session players for the Twilight kid's new record.
JAMES: We don't know his songs.

JOEL: Neither does he. We're just gonna record YOUR songs in between his bullshit...
JAMES: He won't notice?

JOEL: Hey Ayok, we're recording these guys' songs today. Also, we'll be shoving four or five needles into your peehole.
AYOK: Svnse wrfl...

JOEL: He seems OK with it.
JAMES: Dammit! He's chewing through my mandolin again!

Working on Auto-Tune

BART: Kurt and his engineers have been working on Auto-Tune.
KURT: I hate Auto-Tune.
JOEL: Me too!

KURT: Auto-Tune DESTROYS music...
BART: Yes.
JOEL: Yes!

KURT: It allows for TOO MUCH VARIABILITY!
BART: Yes!
JOEL: Wait-

KURT: My goal is to make music more homogeneous than Auto-Tune ever could!
BART: YES!!
JOEL: Damn it...

Self-published

JOEL: Hey, I really liked your set. I work for Hancock Records, maybe you all could come in some time.
INDIE ROCK DUDE: No thanks, man. We self-publish.

JOEL: Well, just think about it. We could get you recorded, get you in stores and get your music in front of a larger audience.

INDIE ROCK DUDE: We... HAVE recorded, the album's on iTUNES and we've got a nationwide fan club with over FOUR MILLION members.

JOEL: Can you just take my card? I'm supposed to give out 10 each night.
INDIE ROCK DUDE: Sure.

Happy with the mix

AGENT: OK, so we're good now? You're both happy with what we're doing with the song?
KEVIN EDO: Yes.
GORDON CRANWICK: Yes.

AGENT: Kevin's parts have been removed entirely.
KEVIN EDO: Right, I'm not involved at ALL.
GORDON CRANWICK: Yeah, NO guitar.

AGENT: We're putting it as the 8th of 10 songs on the album.
KEVIN EDO: Yes.
GORDON CRANWICK: Fine, bury it. But it's ON the album.

AGENT: And the song will be titled "Kevin Edo is an egotistical asshole".
GORDON CRANWICK: YES.
KEVIN EDO: Call it whatever you like, NO one listens past track 5....

Fixed mix

GORDON CRANWICK: This mix sucks, Kevin! You purposefully made a crappy mix of the one song I have on this album!
KEVIN EDO: That's not true.

GORDON CRANWICK: It's a fix! You fixed the mix!
KEVIN EDO: (sigh) I did the best mix I could with that song, Gordon.

GORDON CRANWICK: The best mix?! I told you Peter's drums were lame, why didn't you turn them up?!

KEVIN EDO: I can turn up the drums, Gordon, but I can't turn up the heart!
PETER WELD: My drums were lame. You know, I don't think I get your song, Gordon.

Different Mix

KEVIN EDO: OK, Gordon, here's the mix of your song. Now... I sort of went for a different feel with it....
GORDON CRANWICK: OK.

PETER WELD: Wow. This is really different, Kevin.
KEVIN EDO: Yeah, it's a different sort of take on it.

GORDON CRANWICK: Yeah, it's definitely different, Kevin.
KEVIN EDO: Yeah, I was going for something different.
PETER WELD: Really different.

GORDON CRANWICK: Yeah, do you not like my song, Kevin?
KEVIN EDO: No, I really don't, Gordon.
PETER WELD: I mean it sounds like a different song.