Comics and posts about Kinkos | Bassist Wanted

You’re fired

KINKO'S BOSS: OK, Romero, you get your wish. You're fired.
JOHN: You can't fire me! I fire me!

JOHN: My dad's settlement money came through, so FUCK THIS DAYJOB!

JOHN: I'm going back to getting my money the way an artist SHOULD!

KINKO'S BOSS:: By falling ass-backwards into it via luck and/or family?
JOHN: It's how this country was built!

This isn’t a CD

JAMES: This isn't a CD. It's a bunch of construction paper and GLITTER.
JOHN: Uh, NO, it's a SCRAPBOOK and it's work of ART.

JAMES: We didn't order a SCRAPBOOK. We paid you to reproduce our CD.
JOHN: Oh, no, I destroyed your CD.

JAMES: That was our MASTER!
JOHN: It was GARBAGE. THIS captures the essence of your band.

JAMES: THIS is our album cover surrounded by pictures of a baby in a LOBSTER costume!
JOHN: It's... SO much more... Did you even READ the puffy paint?

Changing the order

DAN: John, you can't change people's orders, dude.
JOHN: They'll appreciate the changes when it's done.

DAN: But... the customer is always right.
JOHN: Screw that. My idea is BETTER.

JOHN: I change what I want, when I want, if it'll improve the piece. I run my life like I run our band.
DAN: Yeah...

DAN: ...our band's not very SUCCESSFUL though.
JOHN: The new rule is: the customer is NOT always right, and is usually an IDIOT.

Making the CD at Kinko’s

JAMES: Hi, we need this CD reproduced with this as the cover.
JOHN: I'm in a band TOO, y'know.

JAMES: Oh... cool. So... what kind of turnaround time we lookin' at?
JOHN: SCREW YOU. You think you're BETTER than me?

JAMES: Um... no.
JOHN: GOOD. Because you're NOT. You've got ZERO talent compared to me.

JAMES: Is this, like, the "hard sell"?
JOHN: Now. Can I interest you in adding toner to your order?
JOEL: No, I think it's the "weird sell".

Artists vs. hobbyists

JOHN: The difference between me and you scrapbookers is that I am an ARTIST. You all are HOBBYISTS.
SCRAPPER: We're BOTH artists and we're BOTH hobbyists!

JOHN: I am NOT a hobbyist...
SCRAPPER: Do you make a living from your band?

JOHN: As a matter of fact I DO.
SCRAPPER: Then why are you working at Kinko's?

JOHN: I happen to have a deep respect for the printed word.
SCRAPPER: Well... the PHOTOCOPIED word...

Scrapper

SCRAPPER: And then I need this laminated and cut to match the others.
JOHN: No problem…

JOHN: Dan's crazy. These scrapbooker ladies aren't prima donnas. I actually think it's cool they're so creative with-

SCRAPPER: What the FUCK are you doing with pinking shears, IDIOT?
SOUND: WHAP
JOHN: OW!

JOHN: It begins.
SCRAPPER: Did I MENTION sawtoothed edges? DID I, ASSHOLE?

Customer service

JOHN: … and I'm best suited for, oh, customer relations.
KINKO'S BOSS: Well, that's perfect, dipshit. I'll put you on some of our BEST customers.

DAN: WHOA...
KINKO'S BOSS: That's RIGHT, Lepp. Your little idiot SINGER friend is now an Assistant Customer Service Rep…

KINKO'S BOSS: ...in charge of SCRAPBOOKERS!

KINKO'S BOSS: A HA HA HA HA HA! Heh... ..
DAN: That's, like, a REALLY shitty role, man.
JOHN: Yeah, I GATHERED, Dan.

My boss is still pissed

JOHN: My settlement money got cut off, Dan. Hook me up with a GIG. Something EASY. No collating.
DAN: I dunno, my boss is still pissed at you.

JOHN: What, because I double-parked him in that one time? C'mon!
DAN: But... his daughter was in LABOR, man. He missed the birth of his grandson.

JOHN: I've SEEN his daughter, Dan. BELIEVE me. He'll GET more grandkids.
DAN: Heh, YEAH…

DAN: Wait, what does that MEAN?
JOHN: It means I'll see to it PERSONALLY if I have to, Dan! Just let me talk to the guy!

Amie Street

RONI: Look, no one's pirating the demo. We'll just post it on Amie Street.
JOHN: Ugh, that's that "pay what you want" 99-cent site.

RONI: It's "pay by demand". It starts cheap, but the more it gets downloaded, the higher the price goes. What do you want to charge anyway?

JOHN: At LEAST $25 dollars...
RONI: 25 DOLLARS?

RONI: For a shitty 4-song demo recorded in a Kinko's breakroom?
DAN: My boss is still mad about that mug tree you broke.
JOHN: He's a DICK...

Just repeat the chorus again

DAN: John, it's 4 AM, man. We've gotta stop writing this song. Let's just repeat the chorus again and go to sleep.

JOHN: NO!! It's gotta be something NEW, Dan! The BEATLES wouldn't "just repeat the chorus again"!!

DAN: The Beatles don't have an early shift at Kinko's tomorrow.
JOHN: We don't sleep until we redefine the fundamental structure of pop music!