Comics and posts about James Blunt | Bassist Wanted

Meeting James Blunt in the elevator

BRETT: Hey... hey, you're James Blunt. You write harmless, hooky pop songs, including the annoyingly ubiquitous "You're Beautiful".
JAMES BLUNT: Yeah.

SOUND EFFECT: Huge cathartic PUNCH!

BRETT: How about THAT for a hook?! Huh? You flaccid whiny little banshee... how... ABOUT... THAT?!

BRETT: NOW... what floor d'you want?
JAMES BLUNT: Fi-- (cough) Five, please.

James Blunt near death recovery

BRETT: Greg! My God! I'm alive! Greg, man, I... I've been to hell and back, man...
GREG: Wow, like Meatloaf.

BRETT: There were these scantily clad nymphs... they were singing "You're Beautiful" to me over and over for all eternity.
GREG: So you finally heard it.

BRETT: I did.
GREG: What'd you think?

BRETT: You know, it was... harmless, hooky pop.
GREG: Hey, so... are we talking wood nymphs or water nymphs?

No James Blunt in the afterlife

BRETT: Oh my God. I'm...
NYMPHS: Yes, Brett. You're dead.
NYMPHS: You liked music when you were alive, yes?

BRETT: I did, yes.
NYMPHS: Well, we're your choir.
NYMPHS: We'll be serenading you for the rest of eternity.

NYMPHS: (singing) You're beautiful... you're--
BRETT: AUGH! Why am I hearing James Blunt in Heaven?!
NYMPHS: Who said anything about Heaven?

BRETT: AUGH!
NYMPHS: In Heaven, we'd be naked. Here, we'll be tantalizingly close to naked and always just out of reach.
NYMPHS: Like the women in Maxim.

No James Blunt in the deep sea

BRETT: And we're totally removed from all civilization?
MANCUSO: Son, we're 300m below. Nothin' down here but... the sounds of the sea.

BRETT: That whale is... is singing "You're Beautiful".
MANCUSO: No, son... he's singing the mating call of the Southern Right Whale.

BRETT: Permissions to harpoon the bastard, sir.
MANCUSO: This is a scientific vessel, son. Only things we shoot are grant auditors.

No James Blunt in Maasailand

BRETT: That's why I sought you out. I wanna live far away from the Western world, far from anyone who's ever even heard of James Blunt.

OKUYU: We never hear of him. Or this song you speak of.
BRETT: Oh, thank God...

BRETT: What's... wait, that's the song! That's "You're Beautiful"!
OKUYU: That one of Akele's blasted ringtones. They waste of money.

BRETT: I'll... I'll be going then...
AKELE: You say my DS waste of money, too. Now you play all night!
OKUYU: Only Brain Age, Akele. And Nintendogs

Blunt By Northwest

BRETT: (sigh) The song can't find me here.

BIPLANE: (singing) You're beautiful....
BRETT: Oh, no....

BIPLANE: (singing) You're beautiful, it's true....
BRETT: AUGH!

BIPLANE: (singing) I saw your face in a crowded place....
BRETT: God damn adult contemporary cropdusters....

No James Blunt on the plane

IN-FLIGHT MOVIE: "And now our mid-flight entertainment: James Blunt takes us behind the scenes at his video shoot."
BRETT: AUGH!

JAMES BLUNT: "See, the song is about a girl."
STEWARDESS: SIR! MY GOD! CLOSE THE EMERGENCY DOOR!

JAMES BLUNT: "And this girl is... beautiful."
STEWARDESS: Closed! Thank God, it's... it's closed....

IN-FLIGHT MOVIE: "James is a lyrical genius. Like Dylan or... that guy from Toto."
STEWARDESS: OK, everyone who lost their pretzels just then, raise your hand....

Brett leaves James Blunt behind

BRETT: If civilization won't let me escape James Blunt, Greg, I'll have to leave it behind. I'm gonna head out West. Get off the grid. Walk the Earth.

GREG: Will you have your phone? Can I email you?
BRETT: Greg, where I'm going... there'll be no "phones", no "email". I'm leaving behind the modern world.

GREG: So can I have your--
BRETT: You can't have my iPod.

BRETT: Where I'm going, there... will be portable music players. Help me close this latch....

No James Blunt for the baby

BRETT: So this is little Chase, he's really cute, Eliza.
ELIZA: He's a little sleepy right now, I better put him down for a nap....

ELIZA: (singing) My Chase-y is brilliant, my Chase-y is pure, I see an angel, of that I'm sure...
BRETT: AUGH!

BRETT: AUGH!
ELIZA: BRETT! JESUS!

BRETT: Eliza, I... have this... THING about that song...
ELIZA: You... you just threw my baby into the breakfast nook.

No Blunt in the Mexican restaurant

GREG: Well, happy birthday, man. Cheers! Enjoying your margarita?
BRETT: Yeah, thanks. This is really helping me relax.

MEXICAN OWNER: ¡Feliz cumpleaños, senor!
GREG: Surprise!
BRETT: Greg, you shouldn't have....
MEXICAN MUSICIAN: Uno, dos, tres....

MEXICAN MUSICIAN: (singing) Usted es hermoso, usted es hermoso....
GREG: ¡ No, no, por favor!
BRETT: AUGH!!

MEXICAN OWNER: Dios mio....
MEXICAN MUSICIAN: Es-- ow... es una canción popular i-inofensiva....
GREG: We'll... just have the check.
BRETT: AUGH!