Comics and posts about Internet | Bassist Wanted

Britney sacks BreatheHeavy.com

GREG: Oh... Em... GEE! Britney fansite BreatheHeavy.com got sent a CEASE AND DESIST letter!!!
BRETT: Do you... often visit Britney Spears fan sites?

GREG: Um, B.H. is only, like, my HOME PAGE!! Haven't you ever noticed BreatheHeavy.com in your Firefox history when I borrow your Mac?

BRETT: Yeah... I just... always figured you were using my laptop for mp3 phone sex porn.

BRETT: I'm weirdly MORE creeped out by THIS.
GREG: BreatheHeavy.com is, like, the FIFTH ESTATE of Spearsian gossip!!!

Teaching a rock star to Twitter

TONY THE AGENT: So you just text or IM your updates to your Twitter account, and fans follow it so they can experience your day-to-day life.

TONY THE AGENT: I've been running it, but I think you should take it over now.
TONY THE AGENT: Seems easy enough... Oh SHIT. This kid... I KNOW this kid.

TONY THE AGENT: Christ, how'm I supposed to tell this kid I screwed his mom backstage at our show in Billings?

TONY THE AGENT: Well, you use the @ symbol, and then his username...
TONY THE AGENT: Oh, OK. This IS easy...

Parentheses in the title

JOHN: Smart bands have cool song titles. Like with parentheses. I wish we had songs with parentheses in the titles...
DAN: We have that one with a tilde.

JOHN: Which one?
DAN: The song about your GeoCities page.

JOHN: Oh yeah...

JOHN: That song did NOT age well.
DAN: No...

Enthusiast press

KEVIN EDO: So I have to have dinner with some MUSIC REVIEWER from a magazine?
ANTHONY THE AGENT: He's not with a magazine.

ANTHONY THE AGENT: He's part of the ENTHUSIAST PRESS: bloggers, podcasters, fanboys... they're just like actual journalists, but they have LESS INTEGRITY and own MORE MEMORABILIA.

KEVIN EDO: But why DINNER? Let's just bribe his parent company!
ANTHONY THE AGENT: He has no parent company, Kevin! We gotta use PERSONAL INTERACTION with these guys. Blind 'em with star power.

KEVIN EDO: (sigh) It used to be so EASY to buy reviews.
ANTHONY THE AGENT: Just pretend you respect him for a coupla minutes... y'know... like we do with Congressmen...

Shutting off the MySpace page

JOHN: OK, band meeting. I'm shutting off our MySpace account.
RONI: Thank GOD.

JOHN: It was tearing the Ambulance Men apart. And distracting us from more important things.
RONI: Like, actually practicing ever?

JOHN: Also... this 15-year-old sent us a... photo of herself, and I got really creeped out.

DAN: What was she--
JOHN: I don't wanna talk about it.
CHRISTINA: MySpace IS creepy... feels like the whole site's covered with a clear, sticky film....

MySpace blog

RONI: Why do we need a MySpace blog? We already have places on MySpace to post shows and announcements.
JOHN: The blog is where I post about current events.

RONI: Who the hell cares what you have to say about current events?
JOHN: I'll have you know my first post has already inspired some very spirited user comments.

RONI: This is just Dan and you posting back and forth, idiot.
JOHN: Well... you gotta prime the pump, Roni.

DAN: By the way, you never responded to my post about why Hamas sucks dick.
JOHN: I do not respond to flame-baiting, Daniel....

Side projects on MySpace

JOHN: See... there's a Rilo Kiley MySpace page, and separate pages for The Elected and Jenny Lewis. Separate.

JOHN: Now, our account is for the Ambulance Men. So... if you have something to post about your side project stuff, make a separate account.

RONI: For the last time, you MORON, I am not posting about a "side project"....

RONI: I am posting a congratulations message to my sister about her engagement.
JOHN: You'll probably be singing at the wedding, Roni! It's a slippery slope!

Using the band

JOHN: I'm concerned about these messages you're getting through the band's MySpace account, Dan.
DAN: Yeah, girls seem to like to message bands....

JOHN: Dan! The account is for the band! For promotion! Not for personal use! There must be separation of church and band!
DAN: Look, John, I--

JOHN: No, YOU look, Dan, OK? MySpace is about music! It's not some cheap dating service!

DAN: John, you and the founder of MySpace are the only people on earth who actually believe that statement.
JOHN: It's me and Tom vs. the world!

Survey result graphics on MySpace

DAN: Look what I put on our MySpace page.... I took a survey, see, I'm 45% redneck. And, here, of all the Muppets, I'm most like Gonzo. Ha! I bet our fans love this stuff....

RONI: We don't have FANS, Dan. And unprofessional crap isn't helping us get any.
DAN: Melanie's sort of like a "fan".

RONI: Your little crush came to ONE show. And she could give a fuck about which Golden Girl you're most like.
DAN: I bet Melanie's very interested to know I'm a "Rose"!

DAN: And I don't have a CRUSH on her.... "Dorothy"....

manymanymp3.com

BRETT: Still getting your mp3s from that semi-legal allofmp3.com?
GREG: No, now I found manymanymp3.com. You can get any music you want. You pay nothing.

BRETT: Sounds even shadier. Thought you were all concerned with artists getting their fair share.
GREG: Well, you agree to pay later, Brett. If, you know, you like the music.

GREG: And if... if the band specifically asks you for the money.

GREG: It's... it's teaching musicians to be assertive, really! Th-that's what it's doing!
BRETT: Ever heard the term "slippery slope", Greg?