Comics and posts about fatherhood | Bassist Wanted

Ted’s hate song

TED: Dad. You ruined my life. Here. It's a song I wrote about how much I hate you.
KEVIN: Didn't know you wrote music, Ted.

KEVIN: This is pretty good... Hey... How'd you like to OPEN for me sometime?
TED: REALLY?

TED: You're asking the son of the world's most popular musician to go on tour as his father's opening act?
SOUND: cha ching cha ching cha ching

TED: What was THAT?
KEVIN: Oh, that's just my agent. Hey Anth.
TONY: Hey guys...

Trying to relate

KEVIN: Look, Ted, I KNOW I'm a piece of SHIT, OK? And I KNOW you think my band is... pop TRASH. But I made this game because...

KEVIN: I was just trying to do something to RELATE to you.
TED: You never... you never TALKED like that to me before, dad.

TED: It's really... TOUCHING.
KEVIN: (sniff) Well, THANKS...

TED: It reminds me of a GRIZZLY BEAR song I like...
KEVIN: AUGH! Ted! FUCK GRIZZLY BEAR! They're just RADIOHEAD with a copy of the NEW YORKER shoved up their ass!

Bonus material

TED: Dad, I don't wanna play your band's version of Guitar Hero...
KEVIN: Just check it out! I made 'em put in BONUS MATERIAL, just for YOU!

KEVIN: Like this cut scene...
TED: What the HELL is this?

KEVIN: This is me and your mom DOIN' IT for the first time, buddy...

TED: Wow... You're damaging my childhood. In 1080p.
KEVIN: Man, they really rendered the bathrooms at Irving Plaza PERFECTLY...

A present

KEVIN: Ted, I know you love music games, so I got you something... that's gonna blow your mind!
TED: You got me Rock Band Beatles!

TED: Oh... No. This is some shitty Jumpstart Malady version of Guitar Hero...

TED: Of course that makes sense given you're IN Jumpstart Malady.

TED: Well, I'd love to feign interest here, dad, but I think it'd be insulting for both of us.

Whatever it takes

KEVIN: Rita, do me a favor. I'm on my way to see my kid...
RITA: Yes, sir?

KEVIN: Can you pick me up a copy of our Jumpstart Malady Guitar Hero game and meet me there?
RITA: Yes, sir.

KEVIN: I gotta get this kid to love me, Boz. I'll buy whatever it takes...
BOZ: I dunno, money can't buy you love, sir.

KEVIN: I didn't know black people KNEW the Beatles, Boz.
BOZ: Well, we stick to the ones Teddy Riley covered...

Get me in Rock Band

KEVIN: ANTHONY! Why are Jumpstart Malady songs not in the Rock Band video game?
TONY: Well, for starters, you never LET me sell you to video games.

KEVIN: What? WHY?!
TONY: You've always said were scared of people "Napstering your lime wires".

KEVIN: What does that even MEAN?!
TONY: I do NOT know.

KEVIN: Anthony, GET ME IN ROCK BAND!! My KID will LOVE me if I'm in ROCK BAND!
TEDDY: I promise NOTHING.

Are my songs hard to win?

KEVIN: So you're pretty good at this game, huh?
KEVIN: Yeah, I'm OK.

KEVIN: I've never actually played this. Are my songs hard to win?
KEVIN: They don't have any Jumpstart Malady stuff on here, dad.

KEVIN: I wonder why not...
KEVIN: Well, perhaps they recognize how mind-numbingly VAPID, VACUOUS and VACANT your songs are.

KEVIN: ExCUSE me?
KEVIN: I'm sorry... Did my alliteration confuse you?

Absentee father

KEVIN: Hey Ted! It's your... your "absentee father"... heh... Can I hang out with you some today?
TEDDY: Uh huh...

KEVIN: You like this XBox 360? I sent you this last year for your 8th birthday, right?
TEDDY: Uh huh...

KEVIN: This is that Rock Band game, right? You know your dad's a musician, right?
TEDDY: Uh huh...

KEVIN: (thinks) I'm about 5 years too late to attempt a relationship with you, huh?
TEDDY: Uh huh...

Shitty dad

BOZ: Going to see the ex-wife, sir?
KEVIN: Yeah. I wanna see my kid, Boz...

BOZ: I think... I think I'm a SHITTY DAD. I mean, JESUS, is there any kind of father worse than some rich, DRUNK, selfish MUSICIAN?

BOZ: Oh there IS, sir.

BOZ: My dad was a POOR, drunk, selfish musician.