Comics and posts about DRM 9000 | Bassist Wanted

The end of DRM 9000

GREG: This digital rights stuff is ridiculous! Thank God for people like the Electronic Frontier--
DRM 9000: No! No, don't--

GREG: A HA! Just mentioning the E.F.F. hurts you, doesn't it?! "Electronic Frontier Foundation"! "Creative Commons License"! "Label-less Distribution"!!

GREG: Ha ha! Hey!! You're home! I was being held hostage by a Sony robot! But I saved myself! Using the power of words! And freely distributed information!

BRETT: That's great, man... you want a beer?
GREG: Yes! Yes, distribute the beer freely, Brett!

How to tell when you graduated

DRM 9000: Out of curiosity, Greg, did you graduate college in 1999?
GREG: Yeah... how did you...?

DRM 9000: A simple bell curve analysis of the release dates of your music collection reveals a statistical peak from November '95 to March '99.

DRM 9000: Ergo... class of '99.
GREG: What? No... I've bought a ton of music since college, I... no...

DRM 9000: Your "Pavement/Shins Ratio" also puts you solidly in the '99 bucket.
GREG: Th-there's a Decemberists CD on my dresser! Make sure you counted that!!

Desperate plea

GREG: (to robot) Let me out of here! Ow! Quit that! Let— DRM 9000:

GREG: (yelling) BRETT!! Is that you? HELP!! Ow! I'm being held hostage by a Sony DRM robot! It's got me strapped to my chair and it's making me buy CDs, ow, against my will.

GREG: (to robot) Ha, hear that? My roommate's here! Ow! Game over, robot! Ha!

BRETT: This... is not my fight.
GREG: Hey Brett?! You there? BRE-- Ow! It is a REAL BEARD, will you PLEASE quit pulling on it?

Preventing future piracy

DRM 9000: "Do You Want To" by Franz Ferdinand. You've played it 8 times. You were authorized for 7.5 times. You exceeded your digital rights. $50 fine.

GREG: That's ludicrous.
DRM 9000: Since you cannot prove your innocence, you reveal your guilt. Sony will now prevent future privacy crimes you will probably commit.

GREG: Wait, what?
DRM 9000: Based on your current tastes, I'll determine which Sony BMG CDs you will likely steal and charge your credit card for them.

GREG: Aqualung, "Strange and Beautiful"... Teddy Geiger, "Underage Thinking"...
DRM 9000: You can't just--... you... wait, no, is that the "Love Monkey" kid? NO!

Sony CD search

DRM 9000: MP3 SCAN: COMPLETED! I now need to search your CDs. Where are they?
GREG: All over, really. My bedroom, my desk, my car.

DRM 9000: SONYBOTS: DISPERSE! You should really consider one of those CD towers.
GREG: I thought about it, but you get more CDs, you have to buy another.

DRM 9000: PIRACY EVIDENCE: FOUND! They have expandable ones.
GREG: Yeah... where would I even fit one though?

DRM 9000: BOOKCASE: ON TOP-- ! (ahem) I think it could work on top of the bookcase.
GREG: HeyheyHEY!! Tell the little robots to leave my parakeet alone!

Sony interrogation

DRM 9000: The rootkit-free Sony BMG interrogation process will now commence.
GREG: What?

DRM 9000: Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of a file-sharing network?
GREG: I don't know...

DRM 9000: What about your roommate? Who do you know, Greg?
GREG: AUGH!!

DRM 9000: Answer wisely, Greg. I can, at any moment, change your default music played to SonicStage.
GREG: Dear God... help! Help!!

I’m afraid I can’t do that, Greg

GREG: Gah! Let me go!
DRM 9000: I'm afraid I can't do that, Greg.

GREG: All I did was put in this My Morning Jacket CD! What's the problem?
DRM 9000: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

GREG: What are you talking about?
DRM 9000: I know you're planning to rip the CD to mp3s, Greg, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.

GREG: I was just gonna put it on my iPod!
DRM 9000: This music is too important for me to allow you to listen to it freely, Greg.

Optional Sony BMG software

DRM 9000: You have inserted "Z" by My Morning Jacket, now free of rootkit stuff! Would you like to install the (optional) Sony BMG software provided on this CD?
GREG: ---

DRM 9000: This software is totally optional, and its only purpose is--

SOUND EFFECT: FWRRRRRRRRR

DRM 9000: You have selected "no."