Comics and posts about delusion | Bassist Wanted

Brooklyn Vegan link

CHRISTINA: Whoa, looks like BROOKLYN VEGAN linked to one of our mp3s.
JOHN: Whoa!
DAN: We're FAMOUS! Which one?

CHRISTINA: "Bickerhound"!
JOHN: No no NO! "Bickerhound" is a B-SIDE! "Cathartic TARGET Practice" is our breakout HIT!

JOHN: He needs to change it. Gimme this vegan guy's email number...
CHRISTINA: Jonathan, he can link to whatever he wants to.

JOHN: NO, he'll do what we SAY! WE'RE FAMOUS NOW!
DAN: YEAH! Ha ha!
RONI: You two have an extremely low fame tolerance.

Setting a price on art

JOHN: Look, when you set a PRICE on your art, you are setting its VALUE. And I want to be mindful of the LONG-TERM.

JOHN: YOU see this CD as a shitty little 4-song demo, Roni. But I see it in 30 YEARS, as rare unearthed LOST TRACKS included on our 6-disc anthology BOX SET!

RONI: God DAMN it, John... You are so...

RONI: ...so INSPIRATIONALLY DELUSIONAL.
JOHN: Thank you. You are... You are WORDS, too.

Contest For New Bands

JOHN: So guys: gig this Friday. A contest for new bands.
CHRISTINA: We've been a band for 8 years, John.

JOHN: We've got to bring 10 people, so plug this bitch.
RONI: A bringer show? Jesus....
DAN: How much money is the prize?

JOHN: The prize, Dan, is a whole lot of the most valuable currency in the music business: EXPOSURE.

RONI: And of course, the title of "City's Most Gullible Band".
JOHN: Oh, hey, the entry fee's $150, so... pony up.

How to tell when you graduated

DRM 9000: Out of curiosity, Greg, did you graduate college in 1999?
GREG: Yeah... how did you...?

DRM 9000: A simple bell curve analysis of the release dates of your music collection reveals a statistical peak from November '95 to March '99.

DRM 9000: Ergo... class of '99.
GREG: What? No... I've bought a ton of music since college, I... no...

DRM 9000: Your "Pavement/Shins Ratio" also puts you solidly in the '99 bucket.
GREG: Th-there's a Decemberists CD on my dresser! Make sure you counted that!!

First words that come to mind

JOHN: OK, come on, song-a-day. We're overthinking this. Look, just give me a word, and I'll say the first few words that come to mind. Those'll be the lyrics.

DAN: OK... "vegetable".

JOHN: Um... all right... "staring blankly at the wall... my mind is gone... I drool, I fall... here or there... I'm always... in... in my wheelchair."

JOHN: Hmm. Pretty God damn touching actually.
DAN: Totally. A song about a disabled dude. We could, like, win an Oscar, John.

When do we get to be rock stars?

JOHN: We've played clubs around here for years. We've paid our stupid dues. Where's our record deal? Where's our groupies? When do we get to be rock stars?

DAN: I got recognized by a waitress at Denny's last night.
JOHN: Yeah? You get the food for free?

DAN: No. But I felt like she gave me more little jelly packets than normal.

JOHN: Too much jelly. OK... OK, sure. "Decadence." See that's rock star, dude.
DAN: And she was, like, super quick with our free refills, too.

Getting approached after the show

JOHN: I always wanted someone to come up after a show and say, "Your songs really moved me."
DAN: Yeah, or like, "You looked hot up there."

JOHN: "Your lyrics... they're like poetry... sweet, sweet poetry."
DAN: "The way you move up there, it just... drove me crazy."

JOHN: "You're the most exciting songwriter of our generation!!"
DAN: "Daniel Lepp, I wanna ride you like Space Mountain!!"

RONI: What's, ah..... What's up, guys?
DAN: H-hey, Roni, I, uh... look I'll be right back, OK?
JOHN: "You! Not Conor Oberst! Not #@*?ing Conor Oberst!!"