Comics and posts about dating | Bassist Wanted

Smita leaves

SMITA: Brett, this is it. I'm breaking up with you. Goodbye.

BRETT: Smita! NO! PLEASE! We can work this OUT! Smita! SMITA!

BRETT: Can... can she not HEAR me?
THE CLOUD: She's clicked "don't show", Brett.

THE CLOUD: You... no longer appear in her feed.
BRETT: NOOOO!!

Optimized date schedule

BRETT: What're you and "THE CLOUD" doing tonight?
THE CLOUD: 6:04 - We will eat gnocchi and listen to ELO. 6:51 - I'll console her about a conflict at work.

THE CLOUD: 7:02 - I'll brush the hair from her face... and smile. 7:37 - We'll begin FOREPLAY.
SMITA: I thought we were watching FIREFLY tonight.

THE CLOUD: Yes, welll... the intercourse I have planned will be very... WHEDONESQUE.

BRETT: So you'll have witty dirty talk, sing when you orgasm and overanalyze it all later on Internet forums?
SMITA: OOO!! No spoilers!

Contextual boyfriend

SMITA: THE CLOUD is a manifestation of all my Internet purchases, searches, Tweets and emails. He's a CONTEXTUAL BOYFRIEND. He's what I want before I want it.

THE CLOUD: I'm constantly absorbing information and refining my personality to better suit Smita. Right, honeybun?
SMITA: "Honeybun"? Blech... BURY!

THE CLOUD: PLEASE WAIT... 68%... Interpreting data... Processing results... Reticulating splines...

THE CLOUD: Right, SWEETIE PIE?
SMITA: Aw, I AM your sweetie pie!! LIKE! LIKE!
BRETT: "Reticulating splines"?

Dating the Cloud

SMITA: It's like you don't even know me anymore. You used to keep up with what music I liked and RECOMMEND things to me.

SMITA: I bet PANDORA knows me better than YOU these days. Or the iTunes GENIUS BUTTON! And AMAZON.COM knows me MUCH better than you!

SMITA: So I'm leaving you, Brett. I'm leaving you for the Internet.
BRETT: WHAT?

SMITA: Meet my new boyfriend, THE CLOUD.
BRETT: My... my God...
THE CLOUD: Just got DUMPED? Try Match.com!

Teacher/student

DAN: So let's say I have this cute young guitar student... she's not even THAT young... is it... I mean... is it cool for a teacher to ask out a student?

RONI: Well, Dan, I don't think-
DAN: OK, let me sort of... REPHRASE slightly... let's say I already asked her out... and she's 8 years younger. That's... it's OK, right?

RONI: Dan, I just can't-
DAN: OK! New topic! New SEPARATE topic... Let's say I have two tickets to Forgetting Sarah Marshall tonight...

DAN: 19-year-olds can see R-rated movies, right?

Accept your groupie-ness

REYNOLDS: Ted. Admit it. You're a groupie for the Spinster Whores.
TED: I am not, dude! I'm just dating Karen, so... so I help out some...

REYNOLDS: Yeah, "dating". And before that you were "dating" Joanna... and before that, Cindy.
TED: So what?!

TED: We were in love! Each time! And I'm sorry if my love threatens you so much you have to call me a... a "groupie".

REYNOLDS: Dude, you run their damn merch stand for them...
TED: I am just helping!!!