Comics and posts about contracts | Bassist Wanted

Planning Ayok’s signing

JOEL: Your client is getting a recording contract with us. I guess we're supposed to have the press take photos of the signing tonight.

AYOK: Pmgs sffj.
JOEL: Should we do it onstage? Right when he finishes his set?
TONY KING: He's not doing a set. He can't sing or play music.

JOEL: Well. That'll make recording interesting.
TONY KING: Pput a sticker on the CD that says "Some Guy from Twilight". We'll be OK.

AYOK: Akmdf! AOKOKGIIFNFNSR!!!
JOEL: He... seems to be having some sort of SEIZURE.
TONY KING: He's fine. He just needs another vodka and Ambien.

Unknown talent

BART: Joel, I need you to go to a club tonight and sign a new singer. That SHIRTLESS actor from TWILIGHT. He'll be at the Three of Cups.

BART: You'll present him with a CONTRACT, take some PUBLICITY shots, give out some T-SHIRTS… His people have the details.

JOEL: Sir, I thought my job as an A&R rep was to find new UNKNOWN talent.
BART: Oh... NO. HEAVENS no, Joel. No no no… GOD, no.

BART: I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding. Now, do you know how to work the t-shirt gun?
JOEL: (sigh) Yes, sir.

El De Barge

BART: Joel, do we own El De Barge?
JOEL: I'll look him up, sir, but just to pick a nit, we don't actually OWN any of our artists.

JOEL: We own their MUSIC, their RECORDINGS, but we don't-

JOEL: Well, now, I apologize.

JOEL: It seems we do, in fact, OWN El De Barge.
BART: Wonderful! I need him to do "Who's Johnny" tomorrow on a boat in Dover…

Calling human resources

SCOTT THE LAWYER: ...and then sign here.
RONI: OK.
SCOTT THE LAWYER: OK... Your band is now incorporated.

JOHN: I CALL HUMAN RESOURCES!

RONI: No, there's no "calling" and there's no human-
JOHN: Standard shotgun rules, Roni. Your lawyer here can back me up.

JOHN: Now, first thing I'd like to do is broach the subject of annual reviews.
RONI: Can you un-notarize this?
SCOTT THE LAWYER: No.

Human slavery

BART: Joel, can we... sell all our musicians into human slavery?
JOEL: Legally? Yes.

JOEL: They're under very, VERY exploitative contracts.

JOEL: But, ah, morally speaking, we probably... shouldn't.
BART: Yes, I suppose that's right.

BART: What if it's just the trance artists?

Summer intern’s first task

JOEL: So, welcome to Hancock Records. Your first project this summer is helping me brainstorm ways to sneak loopholes in our musician's contracts.

JOEL: Now, so far we've tried invisible ink, 1pt fonts, hidden rebuses....
INTERN: But this is... I... I wanted to work here because I love music and musicians.

INTERN: I... don't feel so well....

JOEL: Hey, Tim. We've... got another intern going Code 32 in the 18th floor bathroom.
OTHERTIM: God damn it... (sigh) OK. I'll get a mop.

Contract fine print

JANOS: Wait, Joel, this contract says we have to change the name of the band.
JOEL: Yes, but you get to choose the name from the list on pg. 13, I fought for that....

DUSTIN: And we lose all rights to all our songs and recordings!
JOEL: You're better off. Believe me. Free from the shackles of "rights"!

JANOS: Wait, we get zero royalties?!
JOEL: Well... yes, but you're missing the big picture....

RAVI: It says I have to: "Stop being Indian."
JOEL: Yes, the label is giving Ravi the opportunity to explore other cultures....