Comics and posts about celebrity adoption | Bassist Wanted

Creepy but noble

PETER: Well, for what it's worth, I think adopting that hot 19-year-old orphan was, though CREEPY, sort of NOBLE.

KEVIN: Yeah, I think, in the end, I'm just not fit for organized charity.
PETER: So no more do-gooding?

KEVIN: Oh no, I just need to get back to how I USED to help people.
PETER: How's that?

KEVIN: Having sex with the disadvantaged, man.
PETER: You're one of the good ones, Kev.

Signing Shukri

BART: Joel, now that this Twilight kid's single hit number one, I'd like you to sign his new girlfriend, Shukri.

JOEL: Does... (sigh) Does she have any musical talent?
BART: No, but she's got a great story!

BART: She's an African orphan, adopted and brought to America by popstar Kevin Edo, who she then dated. She's got buzz and major star power.

SHUKRI: And I have an amazing rack.
JOEL: I thought she was dating Robert Pattinson?
BART: She was. From 2pm to 2:30. It's over.
AYOK: Sxbl.

Legal divorce

KEVIN: Anthony? Where's SHUKRI?
ANTHONY: I just heard from her agent. She's legally divorcing you as a parent. Also, she's screwing Robert Pattinson.

KEVIN: Whoa. So my adopted African daughter/lover left me for the guy from Twilight.
ANTHONY: It's a tale as old as time.

KEVIN: Hey, did you ever find out for me how her parents died?
ANTHONY: Yes. They were beheaded during a military coup she initiated.

KEVIN: (sigh) I'm gonna miss her.
ANTHONY: She's quite a woman.

Shukri meets the agent

KEVIN: Anthony, this is Shukri, my newly adopted African orphan daughter/lover.
ANTHONY: I know Shukri. Took a meeting with her on Monday.

KEVIN: You met with my AGENT before you met ME?
SHUKRI: Yes.

KEVIN: So, what? Are you REPPING her now?
ANTHONY: Oh no no...

ANTHONY: She went with William Morris.
SHUKRI: They have a stronger orphan division.

On TV with Shukri

JILL: We're here with popstar Kevin Edo and his newly adopted African daughter/lover.
KEVIN: Hi Jill. We're here to plug my new single.

SHUKRI: And to promote my exercise video: FIERCE BY FAMINE.
JILL: GREAT!
KEVIN: An EXERCISE VIDEO? You've been in the US for 72 HOURS.

SHUKRI: I also have a McG movie in pre-production, Jill.
JILL: BUSY GIRL!
KEVIN: When did this HAPPEN? Thursday afternoon?

SHUKRI: And I'm happy to announce the release of my first sex tape.
JILL: She's a TRIPLE THREAT!
KEVIN: You did a SEX TAPE? WithOUT me?!

Enrolling in school

KEVIN: Hi, I'm here to enroll my new adopted daughter in school.
ELLEN: SHUKRI?
SHUKRI: ELLEN!

ELLEN: Shukri and I were at Oxford together.
KEVIN: You went to OXFORD?

SHUKRI: Yes. I took my degree in Economics.
KEVIN: Oh...

KEVIN: So you probably don't need to enroll in this high school.
SHUKRI: No.
ELLEN: And actually it's an elementary school.

Playdate

PETER: Hey Kevin, brought over Keith for a playdate with your new adopted kid from Africa.
KEVIN: Oh cool... HEY SHUKRI!

SHUKRI: What is it, Kev-y? I was just readying your oil massage.
KEVIN: Shukri, this is Keith.
KEITH: WHOA.

SHUKRI: Hello, Keith.
KEITH: WHOA.

PETER: So now... she's your... DAUGHTER?
KEVIN: ...-ish.
KEITH: WHOA.

The ol’ Edo mansion

KEVIN: Now that I've adopted you, you'll be staying at the ol' Edo mansion...
SHUKRI: Your home is very modest.

KEVIN: It has 30 rooms.
SHUKRI: Yes, but in Chad, I lived in a gargantuan palace made largely of precious stones.

KEVIN: So you weren't, like, one of these POOR orphans?
SHUKRI: Oh no, no... my family has wealth beyond belief.

KEVIN: Well... cool. By the way, clothing is extremely OPTIONAL here.
SHUKRI: It is so cute that this furniture is not pure rhodium...

Meet Shukri

CECE: Kevin, this is SHUKRI, the daughter you adopted.
KEVIN: Yes, yes, great... Wow, you are... as advertised.

SHUKRI: Hello.
KEVIN: So... welcome to the U.S.! You need some food? Was there much to eat in the slums of Chad?

SHUKRI: I wouldn't know. I spent most of my youth in Paris modeling.
KEVIN: Oh. Great! Anyway, I'm hungry. Who wants sushi?

SHUKRI: Ooo... I know a great sushi place near here on La Brea...
KEVIN: You're a... FUNNY kind of impoverished, aren't you?

Choosing

KEVIN: OOO... I like HER...
CECE: SHUKRI. One of our most BEAUTIFUL orphans. She's from CHAD. 20 years old. VERY comfortable with her body.

KEVIN: LET'S DO IT! Now, just to be clear, I'm LEGALLY adopting her, right?
CECE: That's right.

KEVIN: So... this is NOT human slavery.
CECE: For tax purposes... no.

KEVIN: And what about consensual sex with an adult, adopted kid?
CECE: The state of California says: FULL STEAM AHEAD! Sign here, sir...