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Buying stuff

A topic in 10 comics.

Shelf space at Best Buy

Sep 14, 2009

RITA: Hi, I'm looking for a copy of Guitar Hero: Jumpstart Malady. BEST BUY GUY: WHAT? Is there ANOTHER Guitar Hero SKU out?!
RITA: Yeah... just came out today. BEST BUY GUY: No! NO! No. MORE. I have NO room! I have TOO MUCH PLASTIC SHIT in here!! No!!
BEST BUY GUY: I got BALANCE boards! I got all KINDS of drums and guitars! I... NIGHT VISION GOGGLES! God damn WII FISHING POLES! I... I can't MOVE!
RITA: Can I... speak to your manager? BEST BUY GUY: My MANAGER was crushed 2 weeks ago by DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION boxes!!

Driving home from the guitar store

Oct 23, 2008

RONI: Well, we just maxed out our Visa's to buy two VERY expensive guitars. And I didn't even need a new one... DAN: Yeah...
RONI: And we're in the same damn band. We'll look like huge TOOLBELTS on stage with our matching guitars. DAN: Heh, yup...
DAN: It's a lot of debt. But, MAN, that guitar sounds good, huh, Roni? RONI: Foo... YEAH.
DAN: I think it's possible the PRS 513 Rosewood may be responsible for a good chunk of this "credit crisis" thing we're in.

Couldn’t hurt to try

Oct 20, 2008

GUITARPLANET CLERK: You SURE you wanna try this $3,000 PRS 513? Thought you wanted the $400 Strat? DAN: Well... couldn't hurt to... TRY...
SOUND: perfect C suspended 7th chord
DAN: Sweet historical JESUS.
DAN: I didn't even know that WAS a chord! RONI: Is this a MAGIC guitar? GUITARPLANET CLERK: In a way, my dear. Credit or debit?

The Paul Reed Smith 513 Rosewood

Oct 16, 2008

RONI: Hey hey HEY! What're you doing with THAT guitar? GUITARPLANET CLERK: JUST using this 513 Rosewood to see if the amp's working...
RONI: Look, don't try and upsell us to THAT guitar! GUITARPLANET CLERK: Look, I'll just hit ONE chord. I'm NOT trying to upsell you on this guitar. I swear.
SOUND: perfect E chord
GUITARPLANET CLERK: THIS guitar upsells you all by itself... RONI: We... don't want... THAT guitar...

My friend wants a guitar

Oct 13, 2008

RONI: My FRIEND here is in the market for a GUITAR. He wants a Fender Standard STRAT. That's IT. DON'T try an UPSELL. GUITARPLANET CLERK: OK... is your friend all right?
RONI: My FRIEND is FINE. And he wants the brown SUNBURST model. Which he KNOWS retails at $430, so don't try and SCREW him.
GUITARPLANET CLERK: No problem. Lemme grab one, and we can ring you guys up.
RONI: My FRIEND remains WARY of this transaction! DAN: What's HAPPENING? Can I look yet? I-is he playing hardball?! Tell him I'll pay $1000! $1500!

In control

Oct 9, 2008

RONI: Here comes the clerk. You know what you want. You won't be upsold. You won't show your hand. You... are in CONTROL. DAN: YES. OK.
GUITARPLANET CLERK: Hey, you guys find- DAN: HERE! MY CREDIT CARD HAS A $5,000 LIMIT! TAKE IT!
A pause.
RONI: You... are no longer in control.

Won’t be distracted

Oct 6, 2008

RONI: OK, you're here to buy a Fender Standard Strat. NOTHING ELSE. You're on a budget. You won't be upsold or DISTRACTED. DAN: RIGHT!
DAN: Ooo, that one in the window's nice though... Wonder how much...
RONI: Which one? DAN: That big, blue GLOWING one...
RONI: That's a NEON SIGN, Dan! Keep it together, man!! DAN: Still... wouldn't hurt to ASK...

Getting psyched up

Sep 22, 2008

RONI: So you gonna let this guitar salesperson PUSH YOU AROUND? DAN: Aw HELL no! I'M gonna be runnin' this conversation, bitches!
RONI: And you're not gonna bend over and pay STICKER PRICE, are you? DAN: Damn STRAIGHT! I'm gonna be negotiatin' that fucktard until he meets MY price!
A pause.
DAN: Though to be quite honest, I've heard this kind of tough talk outta me before.

Low sales resistance

Sep 19, 2008

DAN: I found the guitar I want online. I sorta wanna buy it in person, but... I haven't been to a store in 5 years. RONI: Really, why?
DAN: Look around my room, Roni. I have LOW SALES RESISTANCE. RONI: That does explain why you needlessly own a SEALY POSTURPEDIC.
DAN: No, it explains why that is one of FOUR Posturpedics I own.
RONI: Where do- DAN: I store the rest in a rat-infested timeshare I bought in rural Alabama.

Buying an iPod Nano

Oct 11, 2005

GREG: I'd like an iPod Nano, please. APPLE STORE GUY: Mmm. Are you going to wear that shirt when you use it?
GREG: What? APPLE STORE GUY: iPods have a very specific style, sir, and Apple has to ensure that iPod owners mesh with that style.
GREG: Well, OK, sure, I could wear a different shirt. APPLE STORE GUY: Yes, and new jeans, too. Here's the address of a nearby Urban Outfitters.
GREG: All right. APPLE STORE GUY: This is a good start. Now... how attached are you to this, well, let's call it a "beard"....

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