Comics and posts about buying equipment | Bassist Wanted

Corporate card

DAN: HEY... new mic!
JOHN: Sweet, right? I put it on our new CORPORATE CARD.

RONI: John... we incorporated the band to SAVE money, you jackass.
JOHN: Roni, you just don't understand ECONOMICS.

JOHN: This is like the STIMULUS PACKAGE. I'm INVESTING in the band NOW to allow us-

RONI: Give me the American Express, John, or I will throw this out the window.
JOHN: Dan! STOP HER! Our nation's infrastructure is CRUMBLING!

Driving home from the guitar store

RONI: Well, we just maxed out our Visa's to buy two VERY expensive guitars. And I didn't even need a new one...
DAN: Yeah...

RONI: And we're in the same damn band. We'll look like huge TOOLBELTS on stage with our matching guitars.
DAN: Heh, yup...

DAN: It's a lot of debt. But, MAN, that guitar sounds good, huh, Roni?
RONI: Foo... YEAH.

DAN: I think it's possible the PRS 513 Rosewood may be responsible for a good chunk of this "credit crisis" thing we're in.

Couldn’t hurt to try

GUITARPLANET CLERK: You SURE you wanna try this $3,000 PRS 513? Thought you wanted the $400 Strat?
DAN: Well... couldn't hurt to... TRY...

SOUND: perfect C suspended 7th chord

DAN: Sweet historical JESUS.

DAN: I didn't even know that WAS a chord!
RONI: Is this a MAGIC guitar?
GUITARPLANET CLERK: In a way, my dear. Credit or debit?

The Paul Reed Smith 513 Rosewood

RONI: Hey hey HEY! What're you doing with THAT guitar?
GUITARPLANET CLERK: JUST using this 513 Rosewood to see if the amp's working...

RONI: Look, don't try and upsell us to THAT guitar!
GUITARPLANET CLERK: Look, I'll just hit ONE chord. I'm NOT trying to upsell you on this guitar. I swear.

SOUND: perfect E chord

GUITARPLANET CLERK: THIS guitar upsells you all by itself...
RONI: We... don't want... THAT guitar...

My friend wants a guitar

RONI: My FRIEND here is in the market for a GUITAR. He wants a Fender Standard STRAT. That's IT. DON'T try an UPSELL.
GUITARPLANET CLERK: OK... is your friend all right?

RONI: My FRIEND is FINE. And he wants the brown SUNBURST model. Which he KNOWS retails at $430, so don't try and SCREW him.

GUITARPLANET CLERK: No problem. Lemme grab one, and we can ring you guys up.

RONI: My FRIEND remains WARY of this transaction!
DAN: What's HAPPENING? Can I look yet? I-is he playing hardball?! Tell him I'll pay $1000! $1500!

In control

RONI: Here comes the clerk. You know what you want. You won't be upsold. You won't show your hand. You... are in CONTROL.
DAN: YES. OK.

GUITARPLANET CLERK: Hey, you guys find-
DAN: HERE! MY CREDIT CARD HAS A $5,000 LIMIT! TAKE IT!

A pause.

RONI: You... are no longer in control.

Won’t be distracted

RONI: OK, you're here to buy a Fender Standard Strat. NOTHING ELSE. You're on a budget. You won't be upsold or DISTRACTED.
DAN: RIGHT!

DAN: Ooo, that one in the window's nice though... Wonder how much...

RONI: Which one?
DAN: That big, blue GLOWING one...

RONI: That's a NEON SIGN, Dan! Keep it together, man!!
DAN: Still... wouldn't hurt to ASK...

Getting psyched up

RONI: So you gonna let this guitar salesperson PUSH YOU AROUND?
DAN: Aw HELL no! I'M gonna be runnin' this conversation, bitches!

RONI: And you're not gonna bend over and pay STICKER PRICE, are you?
DAN: Damn STRAIGHT! I'm gonna be negotiatin' that fucktard until he meets MY price!

A pause.

DAN: Though to be quite honest, I've heard this kind of tough talk outta me before.

Low sales resistance

DAN: I found the guitar I want online. I sorta wanna buy it in person, but... I haven't been to a store in 5 years.
RONI: Really, why?

DAN: Look around my room, Roni. I have LOW SALES RESISTANCE.
RONI: That does explain why you needlessly own a SEALY POSTURPEDIC.

DAN: No, it explains why that is one of FOUR Posturpedics I own.

RONI: Where do-
DAN: I store the rest in a rat-infested timeshare I bought in rural Alabama.