Comics and posts about branding | Bassist Wanted

Buying an iPod Nano

GREG: I'd like an iPod Nano, please.
APPLE STORE GUY: Mmm. Are you going to wear that shirt when you use it?

GREG: What?
APPLE STORE GUY: iPods have a very specific style, sir, and Apple has to ensure that iPod owners mesh with that style.

GREG: Well, OK, sure, I could wear a different shirt.
APPLE STORE GUY: Yes, and new jeans, too. Here's the address of a nearby Urban Outfitters.

GREG: All right.
APPLE STORE GUY: This is a good start. Now... how attached are you to this, well, let's call it a "beard"....

How to saturate the media

BART: I want total media saturation for the Jumpstart Malady CD. I want posters everywhere. Posters on billboards. On bus stops. On baby carriages.

BART: I want ads on radio. On TV. On the Internet. I want a new form of information transfer developed, and I want ads on that. Saturation, Joel.

BART: I want farmers in remote areas of Chad, who've never before heard recorded music, to have the release date of this album burned into their sun-soaked, 3rd world brains.

BART: Also... try to get them on Leno maybe.... Call me when you get in.

Big fan at a record label

JOEL: Hi, this is Joel Dever with Hancock Records. Is this Stony from the Humble Bees?
STONY: (silent)

JOEL: Wow, can I just say, I am such a big fan, my first kiss was actually in the backseat of a Jetta listening to "She's a L'il Kinda Mine".

JOEL: Ha, yeah, the biggest... so... anyway....

JOEL: I'm sort of calling to inform you that my label's filing a cease and desist order against you guys....

Contract fine print

JANOS: Wait, Joel, this contract says we have to change the name of the band.
JOEL: Yes, but you get to choose the name from the list on pg. 13, I fought for that....

DUSTIN: And we lose all rights to all our songs and recordings!
JOEL: You're better off. Believe me. Free from the shackles of "rights"!

JANOS: Wait, we get zero royalties?!
JOEL: Well... yes, but you're missing the big picture....

RAVI: It says I have to: "Stop being Indian."
JOEL: Yes, the label is giving Ravi the opportunity to explore other cultures....

Writing a classified ad

DAN: $25 gets us a ten-word classified ad. So let's see... "Bassist Wanted... for... rock band..."

JOHN: More like "Bassist wanted for harmony-heavt, post-garage, low-to-mid-fi, pre-post-punk, alt-countrified, funk-based, psychadeliphonic, teenage-victory-rock...."

JOHN: "...band."
DAN: OK, so that's... well, we have to a few words, John.

JOHN: Then I dunno, cut "band" or that beginning part. The rest is pretty essential.
DAN: Oh wait... shoot, it says, "Limit: five hyphenated genres."

Keeping the branding consistent

JOHN: We do so! We're an alt-blues five-piece that plays radio-friendly rock with a garage sensibility.
RONI: John, none of those words even-... wait, there's only four of us, idiot.

JOHN: Yes, but we project the image of a five-piece, Roni.
RONI: Sweet Lord, you're an idiot.
DAN: I could just take this off and wear my undershirt.

JOHN: Dan, Dan, Dan... (sigh) You've got so much to learn about the industry.
RONI: You're an idiot with a dumbass sensibility.
DAN: Ooo, John, two words: neck scarf.

Getting in the right bin

JOHN: Whoa whoa whoa.... Terry! How come our EPs are stocked in the "Local Music" section?
TERRY: Because you are a local band, John.

JOHN: No no no, Terry: we are a band, plain and simple! You move every single one of our EPs to "Rock/Pop" right now, man!!!
TERRY: OK! Fine, fine....

TERRY: There. Happy?

JOHN: "Misc. A"? You filed us in "Misc. A"? Why don't you just pick up that plastic tabbed divider and slit my throat, Terry!
TERRY: John... (sigh) I got displays to set up, man.