Comics and posts about A&R | Bassist Wanted

Unofficial representation

JOEL: Listen, I can't OFFICIALLY represent you, but here's some free advice: the real single is the second to last song in your set.

JAMES: Dude, why don't you just UNofficially represent us?
JOEL: Can I... DO that?

JAMES: Why NOT?
JOEL: Wow... it'd be like I was ACTUALLY in the music business.

JAMES: You ARE in the music business.
JOEL: No no. I'm in A&R.

Signing specific talent

JOEL: Hey, I'm in A&R at Hancock Records. Just caught your set. You guys are GREAT.
JAMES: THANKS! Heh, wanna sign us?

JOEL: HA! I WISH.
JAMES: Well... you ARE in A&R... you COULD sign us, right?

JOEL: It doesn't work like that anymore. I get ordered to sign specific talent that "synergizes our larger corporate goals".
JAMES: LAME.

JOEL: So then who're you here to sign?
JAMES: The gentlemen out there having public sex on the Honda.

Planning Ayok’s signing

JOEL: Your client is getting a recording contract with us. I guess we're supposed to have the press take photos of the signing tonight.

AYOK: Pmgs sffj.
JOEL: Should we do it onstage? Right when he finishes his set?
TONY KING: He's not doing a set. He can't sing or play music.

JOEL: Well. That'll make recording interesting.
TONY KING: Pput a sticker on the CD that says "Some Guy from Twilight". We'll be OK.

AYOK: Akmdf! AOKOKGIIFNFNSR!!!
JOEL: He... seems to be having some sort of SEIZURE.
TONY KING: He's fine. He just needs another vodka and Ambien.

Meeting Twilight guy

JOEL: Hi, are you "Ayok"? I'm from Hancock Records. I'm here to sign you.
AYOK: Grnlk brzlm.
TONY KING: I'm Ayok's agent. He says "cool."

JOEL: Is he... is he OK?
AYOK: Shkbrs wprprd.
TONY KING: Look, the kid's in TWILIGHT. He's a fucking shirtless GOLDMINE. Don't rock the boat, OK?

HANDJOB GIRL: Excuse me... can- can I please give him another handjob?
AYOK: Aoosdk sdwr.
TONY KING: Make it quick.

Know where he is?

JOEL: I'm an A&R rep with Hancock. I'm here for a publicity thing with one of the shirtless Twilight kids. His name is... It's "Ayok" I think.

JOEL: Do you know where he is?
CLUB MANAGER: Wwe get the Twilight guys in here a lot. They're easy to spot.

CLUB MANAGER: Any guy you see who's constantly getting a handjob, he's in Twilight.
JOEL: Oh my. So... one of those three over there then.

JOEL: What about the kid getting the blowjob?
CLUB MANAGER: He's peripherally related to the Jonas Brothers.

Unknown talent

BART: Joel, I need you to go to a club tonight and sign a new singer. That SHIRTLESS actor from TWILIGHT. He'll be at the Three of Cups.

BART: You'll present him with a CONTRACT, take some PUBLICITY shots, give out some T-SHIRTS… His people have the details.

JOEL: Sir, I thought my job as an A&R rep was to find new UNKNOWN talent.
BART: Oh... NO. HEAVENS no, Joel. No no no… GOD, no.

BART: I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding. Now, do you know how to work the t-shirt gun?
JOEL: (sigh) Yes, sir.