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Rita the personal assistant

A character featured in 4 comics.

Whatever it takes

Sep 13, 2009

KEVIN: Rita, do me a favor. I'm on my way to see my kid... RITA: Yes, sir?
KEVIN: Can you pick me up a copy of our Jumpstart Malady Guitar Hero game and meet me there? RITA: Yes, sir.
KEVIN: I gotta get this kid to love me, Boz. I'll buy whatever it takes... BOZ: I dunno, money can't buy you love, sir.
KEVIN: I didn't know black people KNEW the Beatles, Boz. BOZ: Well, we stick to the ones Teddy Riley covered...

Shelf space at Best Buy

Sep 14, 2009

RITA: Hi, I'm looking for a copy of Guitar Hero: Jumpstart Malady. BEST BUY GUY: WHAT? Is there ANOTHER Guitar Hero SKU out?!
RITA: Yeah... just came out today. BEST BUY GUY: No! NO! No. MORE. I have NO room! I have TOO MUCH PLASTIC SHIT in here!! No!!
BEST BUY GUY: I got BALANCE boards! I got all KINDS of drums and guitars! I... NIGHT VISION GOGGLES! God damn WII FISHING POLES! I... I can't MOVE!
RITA: Can I... speak to your manager? BEST BUY GUY: My MANAGER was crushed 2 weeks ago by DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION boxes!!

Unloading product

Sep 15, 2009

KEVIN: Oh good, you got the Guitar Hero. This is the Jumpstart Malady one, right? RITA: Yes, sir.
RITA: The Best Buy was really unloading product though. They forced me to buy their entire inventory of Guitar Hero: Metallica.
RITA: 3,000 copies at 8 cents each. KEVIN: Yeesh.
RITA: So anyway, I'll make a stop by the landfill on the way home. KEVIN: Yes, please. Go NOW, in fact, I don't want any paparazzi to see this...

Guitar Hero epilogue

Sep 20, 2009

TRASH DUMP GUY: Hello, anything toxic? RITA: No, just a lot of unsold copies of Guitar Hero: Metallica...
TRASH DUMP GUY: This pile is ALL unsold Guitar Hero paraphernalia. Dump it there... RITA: Thanks. What're these other piles?
TRASH DUMP GUY: Well, on your LEFT are discontinued iPods and cell phones.
TRASH DUMP GUY: And on your RIGHT are copies of Julie Taymor's ACROSS THE UNIVERSE movie. RITA: Lemme throw mine in there while I'm here...

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Bassist Wanted

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