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Kurt von Einfache the minimalist engineer

A character featured in 16 comics.

Less is more

Oct 12, 2009

BART: Meet Kurt von Einfache, one of our engineering geniuses. He's big into MINIMALISM.
JOEL: Like... "less is more"?
KURT: Ja. "LESS."
BART: See? He's a MASTER. He said what you said. But in fewer words.
JOEL: That why you wear the one-piece jumpsuit? Fewer pieces of clothing?
KURT: Oh, no no, dis just a great look...
BART: It IS very form-fitting...

Kurt’s office

Oct 13, 2009

KURT: Velcome to simplified office. Metal bar to sit, glass computer suspendink in air. Nothing else needed. Guests sit on bar with me, here.
JOEL: OK.
KURT: This is awkward. Guest policy not well thought-out.
JOEL: Yes, maybe not.
A pause.
KURT: I don't get many guests.
JOEL: Oh no?

Working on Auto-Tune

Oct 14, 2009

BART: Kurt and his engineers have been working on Auto-Tune.
KURT: I hate Auto-Tune.
JOEL: Me too!
KURT: Auto-Tune DESTROYS music...
BART: Yes.
JOEL: Yes!
KURT: It allows for TOO MUCH VARIABILITY!
BART: Yes!
JOEL: Wait-
KURT: My goal is to make music more homogeneous than Auto-Tune ever could!
BART: YES!!
JOEL: Damn it...

Auto-Tune everything

Oct 15, 2009

KURT: People LOF Auto-Tune, ja? Dey Auto-Tune T-PAIN... dey Auto-Tune de NEWS... dey Auto-Tune EFERYTINK...
KURT: So I began Auto-Tuning AUTO-TUNE. Den I Auto-Tune Auto-Tuned AUTO-TUNES. I vant to make songs SIMPLER, more PURE, more PERFECT.
JOEL: You want to make songs LIFELESS and COLD and- and UNFEELING!
KURT: JA! EXACTLY!
KURT: VOW, OK... so glad ve see eye-to-EYE on dis...
JOEL: A piece of my soul just died, sir.
BART: Yeah. That'll happen.

Each day in the industry

Oct 16, 2009

BART: Joel, each day you work in the music industry, a piece of your soul DIES. It hurts a lot at first, but as time passes, you feel it less and less.
BART: And in a certain amount of time, your soul will diminish to trace amounts and stop being an obstacle to your work.
BART: I call it your "INDUSTRY HALF-LIFE".
JOEL: Are you saying my soul is like... radioactive WASTE, sir?
BART: It's not UNlike it, Joel.

Extraneous noise

Oct 19, 2009

KURT: Ve find dat much of a song is extraneous... NOISE, ja? So ve say, "Vhy not shtrip de song of all but de ESSENTIAL bits und pieces?"
KURT: So ve shtrip it down to VON note.
JOEL: ONE note?
BART: ONE note.
KURT: Ja...
KURT: Usually, it's a "C".
JOEL: Dear GOD.
BART: He's gonna save us BILLIONS.

Beethoven’s Fifth

Oct 25, 2009

KURT: Ve call de process Mega-Tune. It accepts a piece of music, und returns dat piece of music simplified to a single note.
KURT: So, here ist Beethoven's 5th.
SOUND: Complicated music.
KURT: Und here is Mega-Tuned version.
SOUND: Single note.
KURT: Compelling, ja?
JOEL: It's HORRIBLE.
BART: I like it. It's HOOKY.

A single vord

Oct 26, 2009

KURT: Vit Mega-Tune, we not only simplify music, but also lyrics.
KURT: Each song reduces to a single vord. Observe.
MEGA-TUNE: AMERICA! LOVE! PENIS!
KURT: Dat was de National Anthem, "Something" by de Beatles und, of course, Aerosmith's "Dude Who Look Like de Lady".
JOEL: Oof.

Songwriters

Oct 27, 2009

MEGA-TUNE: STATUTORY!
KURT: Dat was early Taylor Shvift song.
JOEL: Ugh, sir, what's the point of reducing these songs to single notes?
BART: Joel, each year our label loses billions. Why? SONGWRITERS. Due to arcane copyright laws, they rake in cash, hand over fist.
BART: Do you know they sometimes get paid almost THREE CENTS per dollar!? Just because they "wrote" the song. DisGUSTing.
BART: Well, Joel... you can't copyright a note.
MEGA-TUNE: MONEY!
KURT: Dat was dat Pink Floyd song.

Memorable

Oct 28, 2009

JOEL: Well, sir, screwing songwriters aside... if we reduce songs to a single word and note, won't consumers... not... like that?
BART: On the contrary, studies show consumers favor songs with simple, memorable melodies and lyrics.
MEGA-TUNE: FELLATIO!
BART: And you can't get simpler or more memorable than that, Joel!
KURT: Dat vas Little Vayne. "Lollipop".

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