Comics with Kurt von Einfache the minimalist engineer | Bassist Wanted

Less is more

BART: Meet Kurt von Einfache, one of our engineering geniuses. He's big into MINIMALISM.
JOEL: Like... "less is more"?

KURT: Ja. "LESS."
BART: See? He's a MASTER. He said what you said. But in fewer words.

JOEL: That why you wear the one-piece jumpsuit? Fewer pieces of clothing?

KURT: Oh, no no, dis just a great look...
BART: It IS very form-fitting...

Kurt’s office

KURT: Velcome to simplified office. Metal bar to sit, glass computer suspendink in air. Nothing else needed. Guests sit on bar with me, here.
JOEL: OK.

KURT: This is awkward. Guest policy not well thought-out.
JOEL: Yes, maybe not.

A pause.

KURT: I don't get many guests.
JOEL: Oh no?

Working on Auto-Tune

BART: Kurt and his engineers have been working on Auto-Tune.
KURT: I hate Auto-Tune.
JOEL: Me too!

KURT: Auto-Tune DESTROYS music...
BART: Yes.
JOEL: Yes!

KURT: It allows for TOO MUCH VARIABILITY!
BART: Yes!
JOEL: Wait-

KURT: My goal is to make music more homogeneous than Auto-Tune ever could!
BART: YES!!
JOEL: Damn it...

Auto-Tune everything

KURT: People LOF Auto-Tune, ja? Dey Auto-Tune T-PAIN... dey Auto-Tune de NEWS... dey Auto-Tune EFERYTINK...

KURT: So I began Auto-Tuning AUTO-TUNE. Den I Auto-Tune Auto-Tuned AUTO-TUNES. I vant to make songs SIMPLER, more PURE, more PERFECT.

JOEL: You want to make songs LIFELESS and COLD and- and UNFEELING!
KURT: JA! EXACTLY!

KURT: VOW, OK... so glad ve see eye-to-EYE on dis...
JOEL: A piece of my soul just died, sir.
BART: Yeah. That'll happen.

Each day in the industry

BART: Joel, each day you work in the music industry, a piece of your soul DIES. It hurts a lot at first, but as time passes, you feel it less and less.

BART: And in a certain amount of time, your soul will diminish to trace amounts and stop being an obstacle to your work.

BART: I call it your "INDUSTRY HALF-LIFE".

JOEL: Are you saying my soul is like... radioactive WASTE, sir?
BART: It's not UNlike it, Joel.

Extraneous noise

KURT: Ve find dat much of a song is extraneous... NOISE, ja? So ve say, "Vhy not shtrip de song of all but de ESSENTIAL bits und pieces?"

KURT: So ve shtrip it down to VON note.
JOEL: ONE note?
BART: ONE note.

KURT: Ja...

KURT: Usually, it's a "C".
JOEL: Dear GOD.
BART: He's gonna save us BILLIONS.

Beethoven’s Fifth

KURT: Ve call de process Mega-Tune. It accepts a piece of music, und returns dat piece of music simplified to a single note.

KURT: So, here ist Beethoven's 5th.
SOUND: Complicated music.

KURT: Und here is Mega-Tuned version.
SOUND: Single note.

KURT: Compelling, ja?
JOEL: It's HORRIBLE.
BART: I like it. It's HOOKY.

A single vord

KURT: Vit Mega-Tune, we not only simplify music, but also lyrics.

KURT: Each song reduces to a single vord. Observe.

MEGA-TUNE: AMERICA! LOVE! PENIS!

KURT: Dat was de National Anthem, "Something" by de Beatles und, of course, Aerosmith's "Dude Who Look Like de Lady".
JOEL: Oof.

Songwriters

MEGA-TUNE: STATUTORY!
KURT: Dat was early Taylor Shvift song.
JOEL: Ugh, sir, what's the point of reducing these songs to single notes?

BART: Joel, each year our label loses billions. Why? SONGWRITERS. Due to arcane copyright laws, they rake in cash, hand over fist.

BART: Do you know they sometimes get paid almost THREE CENTS per dollar!? Just because they "wrote" the song. DisGUSTing.

BART: Well, Joel... you can't copyright a note.
MEGA-TUNE: MONEY!
KURT: Dat was dat Pink Floyd song.

Memorable

JOEL: Well, sir, screwing songwriters aside... if we reduce songs to a single word and note, won't consumers... not... like that?

BART: On the contrary, studies show consumers favor songs with simple, memorable melodies and lyrics.

MEGA-TUNE: FELLATIO!

BART: And you can't get simpler or more memorable than that, Joel!
KURT: Dat vas Little Vayne. "Lollipop".