Comics with Kevin the jerk popstar | Bassist Wanted

Thinking outside the box

AGENT: OK, bad news, boys, the label was very down on the last tapes of the album you sent in.

AGENT: So, if this record is gonna happen, we need to really change it up, think outside the box.
GORDON CRANWICK: OK.
KEVIN EDO: Yeah.

GORDON CRANWICK: What if we made the whole CD a hidden track!
KEVIN EDO: Ooo, yeah! So, like, there's just 40 minutes of silence... and then the album!

AGENT: OK... everybody back in the box....
GORDON CRANWICK: We could re-record all the guitar solos with pan flutes!
KEVIN EDO: Pan flutes! Yes! Yes!
ROCCO: (silent)

Watching your friends on VH1

RONI: Man. Hard to believe. Kevin Edo, our bassist just two years ago, started "Jumpstart Malady", the most successful rock band in twenty years.
KEVIN EDO: (silent)

RONI: And here we are, still in Brooklyn, watching the "Behind the Music" about him. About Kevin Edo. So weird.
DAN: Shh! It's back on!

VH1 NARRATOR: "For several years before forming 'Malady', Edo toiled in several small unsuccessful N.Y. bands..."

DAN: Oh my God, John, get in here, they just mentioned us on TV!!
CHRISTINA: I... I gotta call m-my mom....

Where the lyrics come from

KULA: Kevin, I'm a huge fan. First, I have to ask, the lyrics of "Spiral Away", so moving. I mean, I wept the first time I heard--

KEVIN EDO: I copied them off a condon ad I saw sitting on the can in Detroit.
KULA: W-what?

KEVIN EDO: "Kevin," I thought. "You spend all this time, you know, thinkin' a words, when there's all these words already written all over the place!"

KULA: But... y-you... there's....
KEVIN EDO: "Too Little Time" is from my VCR manual.

Less drums, less bass

ROCCO: OK... less drums. Good now?
KEVIN EDO: I need, like, the guitar to really jump out. Maybe lose the bass.

ROCCO: OK. But it's almost just guitar and vocals now.
KEVIN EDO: Mmm... can you distort the vocals?

ROCCO: Well, yeah. I mean, the song'll sound totally different.
KEVIN EDO: Good. Yeah, good, I want to hardly recognize Gordon's God damn song.

ROCCO: Kevin... does Gordon know about this mixing session?
KEVIN EDO: Oh yeah, sure, he... ooo, hey, could I record just a whole new guitar riff?

Different Mix

KEVIN EDO: OK, Gordon, here's the mix of your song. Now... I sort of went for a different feel with it....
GORDON CRANWICK: OK.

PETER WELD: Wow. This is really different, Kevin.
KEVIN EDO: Yeah, it's a different sort of take on it.

GORDON CRANWICK: Yeah, it's definitely different, Kevin.
KEVIN EDO: Yeah, I was going for something different.
PETER WELD: Really different.

GORDON CRANWICK: Yeah, do you not like my song, Kevin?
KEVIN EDO: No, I really don't, Gordon.
PETER WELD: I mean it sounds like a different song.

Fixed mix

GORDON CRANWICK: This mix sucks, Kevin! You purposefully made a crappy mix of the one song I have on this album!
KEVIN EDO: That's not true.

GORDON CRANWICK: It's a fix! You fixed the mix!
KEVIN EDO: (sigh) I did the best mix I could with that song, Gordon.

GORDON CRANWICK: The best mix?! I told you Peter's drums were lame, why didn't you turn them up?!

KEVIN EDO: I can turn up the drums, Gordon, but I can't turn up the heart!
PETER WELD: My drums were lame. You know, I don't think I get your song, Gordon.

I want it in writing

KEVIN EDO: Don't take that the wrong way, Gordon, I just--
GORDON CRANWICK: Excuse me?! I can't believe-- I want that in writing, Kevin.

KEVIN EDO: Come on, look--
GORDON CRANWICK: No, here: "I, Kevin Edo, state that Gordon Cranwick's songwriting lacks heart." Sign it!

KEVIN EDO: (sigh) I'm not signing this, Gordon, when, when....

KEVIN EDO: You know, it's not so much "heart" as it is "emotion."
GORDON CRANWICK: Make whatever changes you like! I'll initial them!

Happy with the mix

AGENT: OK, so we're good now? You're both happy with what we're doing with the song?
KEVIN EDO: Yes.
GORDON CRANWICK: Yes.

AGENT: Kevin's parts have been removed entirely.
KEVIN EDO: Right, I'm not involved at ALL.
GORDON CRANWICK: Yeah, NO guitar.

AGENT: We're putting it as the 8th of 10 songs on the album.
KEVIN EDO: Yes.
GORDON CRANWICK: Fine, bury it. But it's ON the album.

AGENT: And the song will be titled "Kevin Edo is an egotistical asshole".
GORDON CRANWICK: YES.
KEVIN EDO: Call it whatever you like, NO one listens past track 5....

Kevin leaves for tour

STEPHANIE: You're going on TOUR? When'll my Kev-y Bear be back in Miami?
KEVIN EDO: Well, I'll make sure it's soon-y soon-kins, won't I?

KEVIN EDO: Gotta make some phone calls now, OK? Why don't you go see if Carmen's got lunch ready?
STEPHANIE: My busy Bear... OK...

KEVIN EDO: Hey... I need you to set up a national tour. Like... starting yesterday.

STEPHANIE: I miss my Baby Boo Boo Bear already!
KEVIN EDO: And no dates anywhere NEAR Florida, all right?

Kevin tells Peter about tour

KEVIN EDO: Jumpstart Malady's going on tour, Peter. We'll be doing a live album.
PETER WELD: A LIVE album? We're not talented live musicians, Kevin.

KEVIN EDO: Well... you're certainly not.
PETER WELD: Yeah, and I'm IN this band!

KEVIN EDO: Look, first date's on Friday.... I gotta go tell Gordon....
PETER WELD: What--... KEVIN! We better be making some bank off of this, Kevin!!

PETER WELD: I don't get on that bus unless we charge $150 per ticket, Kevin! You hear me? Where's my-- HONEY!! Honey, where's my drum lesson books?