Comics with James the indie talent | Bassist Wanted

Signing specific talent

JOEL: Hey, I'm in A&R at Hancock Records. Just caught your set. You guys are GREAT.
JAMES: THANKS! Heh, wanna sign us?

JOEL: HA! I WISH.
JAMES: Well... you ARE in A&R... you COULD sign us, right?

JOEL: It doesn't work like that anymore. I get ordered to sign specific talent that "synergizes our larger corporate goals".
JAMES: LAME.

JOEL: So then who're you here to sign?
JAMES: The gentlemen out there having public sex on the Honda.

Unofficial representation

JOEL: Listen, I can't OFFICIALLY represent you, but here's some free advice: the real single is the second to last song in your set.

JAMES: Dude, why don't you just UNofficially represent us?
JOEL: Can I... DO that?

JAMES: Why NOT?
JOEL: Wow... it'd be like I was ACTUALLY in the music business.

JAMES: You ARE in the music business.
JOEL: No no. I'm in A&R.

We’re gonna get you recorded

JOEL: OK, we're gonna get you guys recorded. I hired you as session players for the Twilight kid's new record.
JAMES: We don't know his songs.

JOEL: Neither does he. We're just gonna record YOUR songs in between his bullshit...
JAMES: He won't notice?

JOEL: Hey Ayok, we're recording these guys' songs today. Also, we'll be shoving four or five needles into your peehole.
AYOK: Svnse wrfl...

JOEL: He seems OK with it.
JAMES: Dammit! He's chewing through my mandolin again!

Keeping upright

JAMES: This Twilight kid is amazing. I've never seen someone so over-medicated and over-sexed still stand up straight. How does he do it?

JOEL: Star power. Pure star power.

A pause.

JOEL: Also, he has these neat biometric leg braces they use for people with M.S.
JAMES: Cool...

DIY it

JOEL: OK! You've got your recordings! I say you DIY it, put out the EP yourself.
JAMES: Can't we get the label to help do it?

JOEL: No, I didn't officially sign you. I can't offer the support of the label.
JAMES: If you WERE officially representing us, what support would the label offer?

JOEL: Oh, we'd second-guess every creative decision you'd make. Then we'd probably sow discontent amongst the band, pit you against one another.

JAMES: We can DIY that part, too, I guess.
JOEL: We also promise promotion and then don't deliver, which is a nice feature...

Making the CD at Kinko’s

JAMES: Hi, we need this CD reproduced with this as the cover.
JOHN: I'm in a band TOO, y'know.

JAMES: Oh... cool. So... what kind of turnaround time we lookin' at?
JOHN: SCREW YOU. You think you're BETTER than me?

JAMES: Um... no.
JOHN: GOOD. Because you're NOT. You've got ZERO talent compared to me.

JAMES: Is this, like, the "hard sell"?
JOHN: Now. Can I interest you in adding toner to your order?
JOEL: No, I think it's the "weird sell".

This isn’t a CD

JAMES: This isn't a CD. It's a bunch of construction paper and GLITTER.
JOHN: Uh, NO, it's a SCRAPBOOK and it's work of ART.

JAMES: We didn't order a SCRAPBOOK. We paid you to reproduce our CD.
JOHN: Oh, no, I destroyed your CD.

JAMES: That was our MASTER!
JOHN: It was GARBAGE. THIS captures the essence of your band.

JAMES: THIS is our album cover surrounded by pictures of a baby in a LOBSTER costume!
JOHN: It's... SO much more... Did you even READ the puffy paint?

Lost the master

JAMES: The douchebag at Kinko's lost our master, Joel! Can you help us record it again?

JOEL: Well, my boss caught on to what we were doing, so... NO. I can't even UNOFFICIALLY represent you anymore.
JAMES: So... THAT'S IT?

JAMES: So we did ALL that work, NOTHING came of it, and now you're ABANDONING us?
JOEL: Well, YES.

JOEL: So you really did get a taste of what it's like to be signed to a label.