Comics with Roni the jaded guitarist | Page 2 | Bassist Wanted

Hour late to rehearsal

JOHN: OK, Dan is now officially an hour late to rehearsal.
CHRISTINA: Can't we just start without him, John?

JOHN: No! We specifically need to work on his guitar parts on "Cathartic Target Practice."

RONI: OK.

RONI: While we're waiting can we discuss what a dumbass song "Cathartic Target Practice" is?
CHRISTINA: It's... pretty dumbass.
JOHN: It's a GREAT song.

Late because of TV

JOHN: You're late because of a TV SHOW? That's B.S., dude!
DAN: Nothin' I can do, man. You're the one who wants to rehearse on Wednesday.

JOHN: You obviously don't CARE about this band, Dan!
DAN: YOU'VE obviously never seen "Lost", John!

JOHN: Look, Wednesday's the ONLY day we're all free.
RONI: No, WE'RE all free Monday, but you have your "dance" class.

JOHN: CAPOEIRA is not "dance", Roni!
RONI: Did they find Walt?
DAN: No. It was mostly Korean stuff. Also, Locke said "lost" a lot.

Married people can’t do weekends

CHRISTINA: I... I can't rehearse on Fridays.
RONI: You married people are so protective of your weekends.
JOHN: Heh. Maybe that's when their sex is scheduled.
DAN: Heh.

CHRISTINA: N-no... the only scheduled sex we have is after these band rehearsals. Playing drums sort of... sort of "gets me going."

DAN: Christina.... Ew.

DAN: Well, rehearsal on any day feels weird now....
CHRISTINA: I think it's that double foot pedal.
JOHN: Roni.... Does she stare at my butt while I sing?
RONI: No one EVER stares at your butt, John.

Roni sets priorities

RONI: No way, our rehearsal can't end at 3am. I'll be dead at work the next day.
JOHN: A ha! So we see where your priorities are, Roni!

RONI: Yes, John! I prioritize the job that I LOVE, that pays my RENT, over a hobby of mine that I ENJOY but that doesn't CONSUME me like it does YOU, you SELF-ABSORBED, CLUELESS ASSHOLE!

DAN: Whoa. She used the H-word.
JOHN: "H-... hobby"?

Rehearsal day solution

DAN: OK, so it's settled. We'll keep band rehearsal on Wednesday nights. Except when there's a new "Lost" on. Then we practice on Mondays.

DAN: Unless it's the first Monday of the month. Then we go on Thursday. But if Roni's little sister has a soccer game, we do Friday.

CHRISTINA: If I'm not out-of-town.
DAN: Yeah. If you are, we either cancel, or we do three separate half-hour rehearsals the following week.

RONI: Wouldn't it have just been easier to break up the band?
DAN: We also voted 3-to-1 that "Cathartic Target Practice" is a totebags lame song.
JOHN: It's a GREAT song.

The “Next Level” Talk

JOHN: OK, band meeting, guys. Right here, right now...
RONI: (sigh) This is a practice, John... it IS a band meeting.

JOHN: Look... guys... we need to step it up...
DAN: What's going on?
RONI: Oh, it's the "Next Level" talk.

JOHN: It's time we become the band we're destined to become.
DAN: Oh, man, Roni, I hate the "Next Level" talk.
RONI: Yeah....

JOHN: The Ambulance Man... NED TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!
CHRISTINA: Still... better than the "Put Up or Shut Up" talk.
RONI: Sure.
DAN: True.

Breaking big news

JOHN: Guys: we, as a band, need to take ourselves to the Next Level.
RONI: So, you're finally going to let us be involved in the songwriting?

JOHN: Well... maybe. No. Anyway. The key to success in this business is... promotion.
DAN: Ooo, did you get us an agent, John?

JOHN: No, no, just-- look, the future of music is the Internet, right?
CHRISTINA: Did you get our demo onto iTunes?

JOHN: OK, Jesus, just let me-- I made us a MySpace page, OK? A-and it's gonna take us to the Next Level!
CHRISTINA: Oh.... Neat.
DAN: Didn't we already...
RONI: Yes.

Explaining the MySpace page

JOHN: So here's the MySpace page I built for the band.
RONI: You know, we already had one, John.

JOHN: These're pictures of the band.
RONI: That's why you had to get the username AmbulanceMen2 instead of just AmbulanceMen.

JOHN: And these people are our "friends".
RONI: Yeah, I know. I set up our other one, John.

JOHN: You see, Roni, MySpace is an online social "network"....
RONI: Yeah, thanks, I under-- Oh gross. You know you can add people other than porn stars, you douche.

MySpace friends list

RONI: She should be able to add her husband as a friend on our myspace page, John.
JOHN: No, look, we gotta keep our list looking hip and young.

RONI: And female and half-naked.
JOHN: Hey, I don't send friend requests, OK? All these people on here sought us out.

RONI: Really? So Brooke Burke and the Suicide Girls are big fans of all our shitty demos you posted?
JOHN: Maybe they are!

CHRISTINA: John, I'm not even a fan of those demos.
RONI: No, he's right, Christina! I bet they all get together and have naked listening parties!

MySpace influences

JOHN: OK... then MySpace has a spot for our influences.
CHRISTINA: How about John Adams?
DAN: John Adams?

CHRISTINA: Yeah. I read a biography of him last month. It's really influenced me.
JOHN: I'm not putting John Adams, Christina.

CHRISTINA: OK... but he's one of the most unheralded heros of the American revolution.
JOHN: Great! But how many chords did he know?

RONI: How many chords do you know?
JOHN: I know some chords!
DAN: How 'bout Frank Zappa? He was a revolutionary sorta dude.
CHRISTINA: Zappa knew some chords.