Comics with the Ambulance Men (a local band) | Page 2 | Bassist Wanted

We need more gigs

JOHN: We just... we need more gigs, you know? If, if we had more gigs, we'd be better.

CHRISTINA: Actually, John, while that's somewhat true, what would really make us better is if we practiced as much as we say out here and smoked pot.

JOHN: You know, man? Gigs.

CHRISTINA: Yeah.

Never took guitar lessons

JOHN: You ever take guitar lessons?
DAN: Nah, dude. Well... I was going to once....

JOHN: Yeah?
DAN: Yeah, but the night before I was up really late and this show about Keith Richards was on.

DAN: He talked about how rock is just in you, or it isn't. And you can't force it, it's just nature... it really make me think....

DAN: Anyway, I slept through the lesson and my mom said she wouldn't pay for any more.
JOHN: Man, your mom is a Grade A jerk, dude.

Mom at practice

MOM: Knock knock! Hi gang! Who wants a cookie?
JOHN: Mom! We are rehearsing! I told you not to bug us! Come on!

MOM: OK, OK, I'm sorry, honey, I'm sorry. I'm already gone, OK? Forget I'm here. Call me if you need more cookies....

MOM: Oh, and Daniel-honey, you keep coming into the bridge a half-step slow.

DAN: Really?
JOHN: Dan, man... just ignore her.
RONI: (silent)
CHRISTINA: (silent)

Getting approached after the show

JOHN: I always wanted someone to come up after a show and say, "Your songs really moved me."
DAN: Yeah, or like, "You looked hot up there."

JOHN: "Your lyrics... they're like poetry... sweet, sweet poetry."
DAN: "The way you move up there, it just... drove me crazy."

JOHN: "You're the most exciting songwriter of our generation!!"
DAN: "Daniel Lepp, I wanna ride you like Space Mountain!!"

RONI: What's, ah..... What's up, guys?
DAN: H-hey, Roni, I, uh... look I'll be right back, OK?
JOHN: "You! Not Conor Oberst! Not #@*?ing Conor Oberst!!"

When do we get to be rock stars?

JOHN: We've played clubs around here for years. We've paid our stupid dues. Where's our record deal? Where's our groupies? When do we get to be rock stars?

DAN: I got recognized by a waitress at Denny's last night.
JOHN: Yeah? You get the food for free?

DAN: No. But I felt like she gave me more little jelly packets than normal.

JOHN: Too much jelly. OK... OK, sure. "Decadence." See that's rock star, dude.
DAN: And she was, like, super quick with our free refills, too.

Keeping the branding consistent

JOHN: We do so! We're an alt-blues five-piece that plays radio-friendly rock with a garage sensibility.
RONI: John, none of those words even-... wait, there's only four of us, idiot.

JOHN: Yes, but we project the image of a five-piece, Roni.
RONI: Sweet Lord, you're an idiot.
DAN: I could just take this off and wear my undershirt.

JOHN: Dan, Dan, Dan... (sigh) You've got so much to learn about the industry.
RONI: You're an idiot with a dumbass sensibility.
DAN: Ooo, John, two words: neck scarf.

The show was good or horrible

JOHN: No way! It was a horrible show! We messed up 3 of 4 songs!
DAN: But we got free drinks, John! 2 each! And they were totally strong, too.

JOHN: Dan, man, the acoustics in there made us sound like a God damn jug band....
DAN: But there were people there, man. Almost 15! 2 of 'em were even girls!

JOHN: That did not go unnoticed, dude. The chickfactor was huge.
DAN: I winked at one of them, but that was right before I fell off trhe stage.

JOHN: Yeah, that was more unfortunate. You need to be more aware of your amp, dude....
DAN: Still, she helped me back up. Definite vibe-age.

The day job is taking over your life

JOHN: You're skipping band practice? I'm starting to think this "day job" is becoming a career, Dan!
DAN: John, I work at Kinko's. It's not a career, dude....

JOHN: You just have fun in this life you've chosen, Dan. Enjoy your "job"! And your "comfort"! Your "picket fences" and "minivans"!
DAN: It's one practice, John!

DAN: Whatever, man, look, you still want me to pass along your resume?
JOHN: Yes I do!

JOHN: And maybe make a few copies on that cool marbled paper, too....
DAN: You officially now owe my, like, a billion dollars, by the way....

We are not a beard band.

DAN: I'm not growing a beard. I just didn't shave this weekend.
JOHN: Well, good. Because we're not really a beard band.

JOHN: The Sadies, Widespread Panic, that dude in Built to Spill, those guys can rock out beards. We can't.

DAN: What about Coldplay? They have beards sometimes.
JOHN: Well, they shouldn't. Guys in Coldplay should be rockin'... sideburns... or maybe some well-trimmed muttonchops. Maybe.

DAN: What about my Jew 'fro.
JOHN: Your Jew 'fro rules. Gives us that Mars Volta vibe.

School paper

JOHN: Are you "Ari Krumbein"?
SETH: Ari? I think he's in study hall.

JOHN: You tell him John from the Ambulance Men would like to talk about this "review" he wrote in your school "paper".
SETH: How'd you even get a copy of that?

JOHN: And you tell him we do not sound like, "the Bravery covering Lionel Richie, and not in a good way."
SETH: Does Mr. Stahl know you're here?

JOHN: And also tell him this picture he used it outdated and that this press packet has some newer shots....
SETH: I have teacher of the year bios to copyedit, man.