Comics with John the egomaniac singer | Bassist Wanted

Emo

JOHN: We are what kids like, Joey. We're exactly wh-... well. Hold on.

JOHN: Guys, are we an "emo" band? You know... "emotional"?
DAN: Umm....
CHRISTINA: Hmm.

CHRISTINA: Um.... W-well... I cried during "Life as a House".

JOHN: We're emo, Joey. Wicked emo. Hella emo...
DAN: Is Kevin Kline good in that?
CHRISTINA: Christina: Yeah. Yeah, he is.

No free drinks

JOHN: Joe, the bartender won't gimme a free drink, I thought--
JOEY: John... look, no, OK? You're lucky I even let you guys play....

JOHN: Man, Joe, look, I know we're local, but we're still a band. We deserve some perks. I mean, hell, we brought a bunch of fans to your club!

JOEY: You brought one person, dude... and she wasn't a fan.

JOHN: My mom is still is a fan, Joe!!
MOM: Johnny-honey, you need to jack up Daniel's vocals. I couldn't hear him for poop.

Slaves to the audience

JOHN: OK, post-practice band meeting, people!

JOHN: I'm a little upset about the setlist changes last night. Do we take requests? Yes. But we are not slaves to the audience. The Ambulance Men are artists.

RONI: It was a karaoke night, John. They pick the songs; we play them. That's how it works.

JOHN: SLAVE!!
DAN: I thought our "Sweet Caroline" had a real edge to it, by the way.
CHRISTINA: (silent)

Getting in the right bin

JOHN: Whoa whoa whoa.... Terry! How come our EPs are stocked in the "Local Music" section?
TERRY: Because you are a local band, John.

JOHN: No no no, Terry: we are a band, plain and simple! You move every single one of our EPs to "Rock/Pop" right now, man!!!
TERRY: OK! Fine, fine....

TERRY: There. Happy?

JOHN: "Misc. A"? You filed us in "Misc. A"? Why don't you just pick up that plastic tabbed divider and slit my throat, Terry!
TERRY: John... (sigh) I got displays to set up, man.

No support in the community

JOHN: Well... yeah....

JOHN: ...but all the other local bands suck, Roni.

Describing your sound

JOHN: We're different, Joey! We're like... the Pixies... meets Bob Dylan, b-but a young Dylan!

JOHN: We're like... Nick Drake! Meets... Devo! Meets... the Kinks! B-but new! You know, Joey? Hip!

JOHN: It's like Superdrag met Run DMC! And Lucinda Williams! A-and they all drive to New York, meet TV On the Radio, and... and call Frank Zappa, a-and meet him, too!!

JOEY: That's a big meeting, John.
JOHN: We're a big band, Joey!!!

First time at North 6th

JOHN: Wow... our first show at North 6th! Man, this rules.
DAN: Hey look! Someone's scalping tickets!

JOHN: Hey man, how much are these going for?
BEN: I dunno, at this point, I guess like $3 each.

BEN: They're been kinda hard to unload. People just don't wanna pay to see one good band and one crappy little local band.

JOHN: Hey... we are that crappy little local band, man.
BEN: OK... well, I could knock it down to $4 for both, but that's about it...

After the breakup

JOHN: It's like, she was such a huge part of my life, so it's not just like my girlfriend left me, but my whole life.

JOHN: And so now it's like, what now? Where do I go? It's all gone, my future, I don't even... it's all gone.

DAN: I hear ya, man. It's... you know, it's tough. And whenever you wanna talk, you just let me know.

DAN: We should probably finish this set first though maybe.

Song about Carole

JOHN: OK. I'm finishing the lyrics to "Screw You Carole" and I need another word that rhymes with "Carole".
DAN: OK.

JOHN: So... so far I've used... "Clairol", "barrel", "feral", "sterile", and... "NARAL".

JOHN: What? Carole and I had a complicated relationship, dude....
DAN: "Feral"?

We need more gigs

JOHN: We just... we need more gigs, you know? If, if we had more gigs, we'd be better.

CHRISTINA: Actually, John, while that's somewhat true, what would really make us better is if we practiced as much as we say out here and smoked pot.

JOHN: You know, man? Gigs.

CHRISTINA: Yeah.