Comics with Dan the naive guitarist | Page 2 | Bassist Wanted

Keeping the branding consistent

JOHN: We do so! We're an alt-blues five-piece that plays radio-friendly rock with a garage sensibility.
RONI: John, none of those words even-... wait, there's only four of us, idiot.

JOHN: Yes, but we project the image of a five-piece, Roni.
RONI: Sweet Lord, you're an idiot.
DAN: I could just take this off and wear my undershirt.

JOHN: Dan, Dan, Dan... (sigh) You've got so much to learn about the industry.
RONI: You're an idiot with a dumbass sensibility.
DAN: Ooo, John, two words: neck scarf.

The show was good or horrible

JOHN: No way! It was a horrible show! We messed up 3 of 4 songs!
DAN: But we got free drinks, John! 2 each! And they were totally strong, too.

JOHN: Dan, man, the acoustics in there made us sound like a God damn jug band....
DAN: But there were people there, man. Almost 15! 2 of 'em were even girls!

JOHN: That did not go unnoticed, dude. The chickfactor was huge.
DAN: I winked at one of them, but that was right before I fell off trhe stage.

JOHN: Yeah, that was more unfortunate. You need to be more aware of your amp, dude....
DAN: Still, she helped me back up. Definite vibe-age.

The day job is taking over your life

JOHN: You're skipping band practice? I'm starting to think this "day job" is becoming a career, Dan!
DAN: John, I work at Kinko's. It's not a career, dude....

JOHN: You just have fun in this life you've chosen, Dan. Enjoy your "job"! And your "comfort"! Your "picket fences" and "minivans"!
DAN: It's one practice, John!

DAN: Whatever, man, look, you still want me to pass along your resume?
JOHN: Yes I do!

JOHN: And maybe make a few copies on that cool marbled paper, too....
DAN: You officially now owe my, like, a billion dollars, by the way....

We are not a beard band.

DAN: I'm not growing a beard. I just didn't shave this weekend.
JOHN: Well, good. Because we're not really a beard band.

JOHN: The Sadies, Widespread Panic, that dude in Built to Spill, those guys can rock out beards. We can't.

DAN: What about Coldplay? They have beards sometimes.
JOHN: Well, they shouldn't. Guys in Coldplay should be rockin'... sideburns... or maybe some well-trimmed muttonchops. Maybe.

DAN: What about my Jew 'fro.
JOHN: Your Jew 'fro rules. Gives us that Mars Volta vibe.

A unified sound

TRUDY: Hey, you played great up there. Did you write all the guitar solos.
DAN: Oh, heh, thanks, no, I used to. But not anymore.

DAN: John said it would be a more unified sound if he wrote all the parts. He also said my solos "lack urgency."

TRUDY: Jesus... sounds like a real pretentious dick.
JOHN: Who sounds like a pretentious dick?
DAN: You do, man.

JOHN: Yeah, well, so did Lennon. You wanna give a hand with these amps?
DAN: Hey, I gotta go....

Writing a classified ad

DAN: $25 gets us a ten-word classified ad. So let's see... "Bassist Wanted... for... rock band..."

JOHN: More like "Bassist wanted for harmony-heavt, post-garage, low-to-mid-fi, pre-post-punk, alt-countrified, funk-based, psychadeliphonic, teenage-victory-rock...."

JOHN: "...band."
DAN: OK, so that's... well, we have to a few words, John.

JOHN: Then I dunno, cut "band" or that beginning part. The rest is pretty essential.
DAN: Oh wait... shoot, it says, "Limit: five hyphenated genres."

Late because of TV

JOHN: You're late because of a TV SHOW? That's B.S., dude!
DAN: Nothin' I can do, man. You're the one who wants to rehearse on Wednesday.

JOHN: You obviously don't CARE about this band, Dan!
DAN: YOU'VE obviously never seen "Lost", John!

JOHN: Look, Wednesday's the ONLY day we're all free.
RONI: No, WE'RE all free Monday, but you have your "dance" class.

JOHN: CAPOEIRA is not "dance", Roni!
RONI: Did they find Walt?
DAN: No. It was mostly Korean stuff. Also, Locke said "lost" a lot.

Married people can’t do weekends

CHRISTINA: I... I can't rehearse on Fridays.
RONI: You married people are so protective of your weekends.
JOHN: Heh. Maybe that's when their sex is scheduled.
DAN: Heh.

CHRISTINA: N-no... the only scheduled sex we have is after these band rehearsals. Playing drums sort of... sort of "gets me going."

DAN: Christina.... Ew.

DAN: Well, rehearsal on any day feels weird now....
CHRISTINA: I think it's that double foot pedal.
JOHN: Roni.... Does she stare at my butt while I sing?
RONI: No one EVER stares at your butt, John.

Roni sets priorities

RONI: No way, our rehearsal can't end at 3am. I'll be dead at work the next day.
JOHN: A ha! So we see where your priorities are, Roni!

RONI: Yes, John! I prioritize the job that I LOVE, that pays my RENT, over a hobby of mine that I ENJOY but that doesn't CONSUME me like it does YOU, you SELF-ABSORBED, CLUELESS ASSHOLE!

DAN: Whoa. She used the H-word.
JOHN: "H-... hobby"?

Rehearsal day solution

DAN: OK, so it's settled. We'll keep band rehearsal on Wednesday nights. Except when there's a new "Lost" on. Then we practice on Mondays.

DAN: Unless it's the first Monday of the month. Then we go on Thursday. But if Roni's little sister has a soccer game, we do Friday.

CHRISTINA: If I'm not out-of-town.
DAN: Yeah. If you are, we either cancel, or we do three separate half-hour rehearsals the following week.

RONI: Wouldn't it have just been easier to break up the band?
DAN: We also voted 3-to-1 that "Cathartic Target Practice" is a totebags lame song.
JOHN: It's a GREAT song.