Comics with Dan the naive guitarist | Bassist Wanted

Emo

JOHN: We are what kids like, Joey. We're exactly wh-... well. Hold on.

JOHN: Guys, are we an "emo" band? You know... "emotional"?
DAN: Umm....
CHRISTINA: Hmm.

CHRISTINA: Um.... W-well... I cried during "Life as a House".

JOHN: We're emo, Joey. Wicked emo. Hella emo...
DAN: Is Kevin Kline good in that?
CHRISTINA: Christina: Yeah. Yeah, he is.

Slaves to the audience

JOHN: OK, post-practice band meeting, people!

JOHN: I'm a little upset about the setlist changes last night. Do we take requests? Yes. But we are not slaves to the audience. The Ambulance Men are artists.

RONI: It was a karaoke night, John. They pick the songs; we play them. That's how it works.

JOHN: SLAVE!!
DAN: I thought our "Sweet Caroline" had a real edge to it, by the way.
CHRISTINA: (silent)

Watching your friends on VH1

RONI: Man. Hard to believe. Kevin Edo, our bassist just two years ago, started "Jumpstart Malady", the most successful rock band in twenty years.
KEVIN EDO: (silent)

RONI: And here we are, still in Brooklyn, watching the "Behind the Music" about him. About Kevin Edo. So weird.
DAN: Shh! It's back on!

VH1 NARRATOR: "For several years before forming 'Malady', Edo toiled in several small unsuccessful N.Y. bands..."

DAN: Oh my God, John, get in here, they just mentioned us on TV!!
CHRISTINA: I... I gotta call m-my mom....

First time at North 6th

JOHN: Wow... our first show at North 6th! Man, this rules.
DAN: Hey look! Someone's scalping tickets!

JOHN: Hey man, how much are these going for?
BEN: I dunno, at this point, I guess like $3 each.

BEN: They're been kinda hard to unload. People just don't wanna pay to see one good band and one crappy little local band.

JOHN: Hey... we are that crappy little local band, man.
BEN: OK... well, I could knock it down to $4 for both, but that's about it...

After the breakup

JOHN: It's like, she was such a huge part of my life, so it's not just like my girlfriend left me, but my whole life.

JOHN: And so now it's like, what now? Where do I go? It's all gone, my future, I don't even... it's all gone.

DAN: I hear ya, man. It's... you know, it's tough. And whenever you wanna talk, you just let me know.

DAN: We should probably finish this set first though maybe.

Song about Carole

JOHN: OK. I'm finishing the lyrics to "Screw You Carole" and I need another word that rhymes with "Carole".
DAN: OK.

JOHN: So... so far I've used... "Clairol", "barrel", "feral", "sterile", and... "NARAL".

JOHN: What? Carole and I had a complicated relationship, dude....
DAN: "Feral"?

Never took guitar lessons

JOHN: You ever take guitar lessons?
DAN: Nah, dude. Well... I was going to once....

JOHN: Yeah?
DAN: Yeah, but the night before I was up really late and this show about Keith Richards was on.

DAN: He talked about how rock is just in you, or it isn't. And you can't force it, it's just nature... it really make me think....

DAN: Anyway, I slept through the lesson and my mom said she wouldn't pay for any more.
JOHN: Man, your mom is a Grade A jerk, dude.

Mom at practice

MOM: Knock knock! Hi gang! Who wants a cookie?
JOHN: Mom! We are rehearsing! I told you not to bug us! Come on!

MOM: OK, OK, I'm sorry, honey, I'm sorry. I'm already gone, OK? Forget I'm here. Call me if you need more cookies....

MOM: Oh, and Daniel-honey, you keep coming into the bridge a half-step slow.

DAN: Really?
JOHN: Dan, man... just ignore her.
RONI: (silent)
CHRISTINA: (silent)

Getting approached after the show

JOHN: I always wanted someone to come up after a show and say, "Your songs really moved me."
DAN: Yeah, or like, "You looked hot up there."

JOHN: "Your lyrics... they're like poetry... sweet, sweet poetry."
DAN: "The way you move up there, it just... drove me crazy."

JOHN: "You're the most exciting songwriter of our generation!!"
DAN: "Daniel Lepp, I wanna ride you like Space Mountain!!"

RONI: What's, ah..... What's up, guys?
DAN: H-hey, Roni, I, uh... look I'll be right back, OK?
JOHN: "You! Not Conor Oberst! Not #@*?ing Conor Oberst!!"

When do we get to be rock stars?

JOHN: We've played clubs around here for years. We've paid our stupid dues. Where's our record deal? Where's our groupies? When do we get to be rock stars?

DAN: I got recognized by a waitress at Denny's last night.
JOHN: Yeah? You get the food for free?

DAN: No. But I felt like she gave me more little jelly packets than normal.

JOHN: Too much jelly. OK... OK, sure. "Decadence." See that's rock star, dude.
DAN: And she was, like, super quick with our free refills, too.