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Christina the mom drummer

A character featured in 30 comics.

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Shutting off the MySpace page

Feb 24, 2006

JOHN: OK, band meeting. I'm shutting off our MySpace account.
RONI: Thank GOD.
JOHN: It was tearing the Ambulance Men apart. And distracting us from more important things.
RONI: Like, actually practicing ever?
JOHN: Also... this 15-year-old sent us a... photo of herself, and I got really creeped out.
DAN: What was she--
JOHN: I don't wanna talk about it.
CHRISTINA: MySpace IS creepy... feels like the whole site's covered with a clear, sticky film....

Contest For New Bands

Sep 25, 2006

JOHN: So guys: gig this Friday. A contest for new bands.
CHRISTINA: We've been a band for 8 years, John.
JOHN: We've got to bring 10 people, so plug this bitch.
RONI: A bringer show? Jesus....
DAN: How much money is the prize?
JOHN: The prize, Dan, is a whole lot of the most valuable currency in the music business: EXPOSURE.
RONI: And of course, the title of "City's Most Gullible Band".
JOHN: Oh, hey, the entry fee's $150, so... pony up.

Which Song Will We Play?

Nov 6, 2006

JOHN: We can play ONE song in this contest. I say we do "Cathartic Target Practice".
RONI: "C.T.P." is not a SONG, John. It's a mass of unrelated words and notes.
JOHN: It's... it's a GOOD song!
DAN: How about that song that went so well last weekend?
RONI: (sigh) No, Dan.
DAN: What? Why not?
RONI: Because we're not playing a WEDDING this week, Dan.
RONI: I don't think this'll be a "Chicken Dance" kinda crowd.
DAN: Well, at least CONSIDER it....
JOHN: You all just... don't understand microtones.
CHRISTINA: (turns page)

Christina’s Family At the Concert

Dec 11, 2006

JAMES: Hey Honey! We're here and we're...
GRIFFIN: READY TO ROCK!
SABINE: READY TO ROCK!
CHRISTINA: Thanks, guys!
JAMES: We practiced that in the car on the way here.
CHRISTINA: Aw...
JOHN: Christina, can you help backstage? We--
JOHN: Ow! Hey! Quit it!
GRIFFIN: You should let Momma have more drum solos!
JAMES: We practiced this, too....
GRIFFIN: You sing outside your range!
JOHN: Ow! Christina! Control your spawn!

Ride Home From The Contest

Dec 15, 2006

JOHN: "Show of hands".... Pfft.... It's a fucking unscientific way to decide a band contest.
DAN: That bartender was cute, right?
CHRISTINA: She was, yeah.
DAN: Think she liked me?
CHRISTINA: I dunno, Danny. I mean, she never talked to you. Or looked directly at you.
JOHN: I mean, the guy running the contest was in the winning band! That's bullshit!
RONI: John, we just didn't bring enough people. That's it.
JOHN: We should contact the Better Business Bureau.
RONI: Yeah, I'll call "Fox 5 On Our Side".
DAN: Maybe she was gay.
CHRISTINA: I bet she was, sweetie.

Whole Point of Running a Contest

May 16, 2007

JOHN: OK, let's use this rehearsal time to go over decorations for the band contest. First, the streamers...
RONI: Jesus, we haven't rehearsed in weeks!
RONI: I though the whole point of running this contest was to have more time to play our music!
JOHN: Wow, Roni, I... I'm sorry.
JOHN: You were way off on that.
JOHN: Now, who has the glue gun?
CHRISTINA: What do you think of this taupe for the gift bags?
DAN: Ooo...
RONI: When did you all... Voltron into Tim Gunn?

Out of tune

Sep 17, 2008

DAN: Oh hey, before we get started, my guitar's out of tune.
JOHN: OK.
JOHN: So... you gonna start tuning it?
DAN: Oh no, that'd take me hours.
DAN: I was just sorta giving a heads up that I'm gonna sound shitty.

Our name on the ticket

Jan 5, 2009

DAN: COOL! This ticket for our MERCURY LOUNGE show has our NAME printed on it!
CHRISTINA: Where? I didn't see our name.
DAN: THERE! It says "A.M."! For AMBULANCE MEN!
CHRISTINA: Dan, that's just our timeslot: "8 A.M."
DAN: Oh.
DAN: That's sort of a shitty timeslot.
CHRISTINA: It's not great.

Eight measures

Jan 9, 2009

CHRISTINA: And... there. THAT'S 8 measures.
DAN: Oh wow, no, then I meant NOTES, not measures. "My solo will be 8 NOTES long" is what I meant to say.
CHRISTINA: OK, well... anyway.
CHRISTINA: That's why we were all staring at you on stage.

Incorporating the band

Mar 2, 2009

RONI: My cousin says if we incorporate the band, we'll save money on taxes we pay on band revenue.
DAN: Whoa, cool!
RONI: Now, we could be something called a Limited Liability Corporation, or we could be something called an S-corporation.
DAN: Ooo...
RONI: An LLC would provide us with more legal protection while an S-Corporation-
DAN: -sounds, like, 20 times more badass! Let's do that one!
RONI: Well, Dan, let's not just-
DAN: Baaand, In-corr-poraaaa-aaated! B! A! N! D!
CHRISTINA: We have revenue?
JOHN: (shrugs)

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